Simple Life
Green Acres

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Green Acres

Paris and Nicole pose on a very pink, satiny bed. Paris announces, "Everyone thinks Nicole and I are these two girls who've never worked a day in their life." Do they share one life? Perhaps, like the soap opera so famously said, they only have one life to live between the two of them? Paris concludes that they are doing this to prove everyone wrong, and that they can do anything. Nicole agrees that they can totally do this, and that it's going to rock. Then they collapse in giggles. Didn't Nicole recently go through rehab? I'm just saying. She seems awfully giggly.

The show opens with a shot of the Hilton mansion. Paris runway-struts out the front door wearing a super-short skirt, heels, a belly-baring camouflage jacket, and a newsboy cap. She's carrying her Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, who is also dressed up in some outfit that is just sad. Shades of Elle Woods, except that Elle was...you know, fictional and kind of a caricature. An announcer with a really bad Southern (I guess?) accent welcomes us to The Simple Life. The announcer is unnecessary, but if they really felt the need for a voice-over, they could have at least tried to make it sound like Waylon Jennings on The Dukes of Hazzard. That would have been kind of awesome. Aw, R.I.P. Waylon. Paris gets into a shiny blue car and speeds over to Nicole's house. She doesn't even get out and ring the doorbell, instead opting for a horn honk. Nicole comes out wearing a denim jacket and another really short skirt, and some sort of scarf around her waist. The announcer says that the girls are off to "fire up their credit cards one last time."

Paris speeds off down the road as (Not Downtown) Julie Brown's song "'Cause I'm A Blonde" plays on the soundtrack. A shopping montage follows, wherein Paris and Nicole buy a lot of fancy clothes that cost a lot of money. And they're planning on taking them to the farm. Do you get it? Fancy clothes on a farm? That's hilarious! And it shows how they don't have a clue. Genius. Except not really. Even Tinkerbell gets a new carrier. Paris and Nicole get back in their car and speed off, laughing all the way.

Back at the Hilton Mansion (and I have to wonder if people really call it that, because it makes it sound like the Playboy Mansion, which is oddly appropriate), classical music plays. Because Nicole and Paris are rich and citified, so they only listen to classical music, which definitely does not feature either banjos or harmonicas. There's a fancy party going on at the Hilton Mansion, featuring black waiters. Okay, maybe only one, but he got a lot of camera time. The announcer lets us know that Paris and Nicole decided to throw one last blow-out with a hundred of their friends, and if the people pictured here are really their friends, they hang with a decidedly middle-aged crowd.

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Simple Life

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