Simple Life
Green Acres

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Green Acres

Some on-screen text informs us that we are looking at the Leding Farm in Altus, AR. It's a modest house. It looks like it used to be even smaller, and that they've added on over the years, but it doesn't have an overarching architectural style like Cape Cod or Colonial or anything. It kind of looks like a shack with extras. Think the modern-day version of the Ingalls home, and you wouldn't be far off. An interviewer asks Albert Leding -- who is identified as "Head of Household" -- what he expects from the girls. His wife, Janet, answers for him. She wants the girls to pick up after themselves and not leave stuff lying around. The interviewer asks Justin and Cayne, the Leding sons, how they will treat the girls. Justin says that it depends on how they treat him. He adds that if they are "little snotty bitches," then "paybacks are hell." Yeah, I can't really see this kid being outright mean. He looks too innocent with his camouflage shirt on. Cayne thinks it's really funny that his brother swore on television.

Paris is still driving. Nicole thinks that they are "literally in the middle of nowhere." I hate when people misuse the word "literally." I literally hate it. The girls drive into Altus town limits. Paris notes a business called "Hillbilly Realty" and points it out to Nicole.

Eight million shots of cows and fields later, we meet Curly and Richard, the Leding grandparents. Curly's the wife, in case you were thinking they are really, really progressive in Altus. Curly notes that they have to get ready for dinner tonight. I think I am in love with the grandparents.

Cut to the girls driving, and they have Nicole overdub a line saying that she's really hungry, and that she can't wait to eat dinner. ["Yeah right. Like she eats food." -- Wing Chun]

Meanwhile, Curly has a pile of dead chickens, and she's dunking them in water to remove the feathers.

After another fake-y voice-over by Nicole, talking about her hunger, Paris drives by some roadkill. She sees it and freaks out, realizing that it was a dead possum. Nicole just laughs. Is she simple? Is that what the title of the show really means?

Back at the farm, Richard tells Curly that the girls are going to take one look, and get back in the truck and head back to California. He laughs at his own statement. Loving them.

Paris and Nicole drive down the road to the farm. Justin spots them and says that they are "flying like a bat out of hell." Paris drives up and smiles that this is their new home. Dogs bark. Chickens cluck. Cows moo. Paris waves to Janet, who waves back. Paris parks the truck, and the whole family approaches the truck going, "One of us! One of us!" Also, it's not like the family was doing anything but waiting, so that whole "We can't pick you up at the airport thing" kind of loses its validity. Janet and Albert introduce themselves. Nicole even gives Curly a hug. I find myself liking Nicole against my better judgment. Janet thinks Tinkerbell is cute. The girls meet four-year-old Braxton who, despite the unfortunate name, is cute as a bug. I'm just going to hope it's a family name or something. Albert explains that their second youngest child, Cayne, is at a track meet. Again, I'm just going to assume it's a family name, and not a purposeful misspelling of the Biblical name. Why would you ever name a son Cain, especially if he has brothers? That's just asking for trouble. Janet explains that Cayne is fifteen. Nicole and Paris giggle inappropriately and in a way that makes it seem like they're making private jokes about the family. Janet interviews that she doesn't know how they dress in L.A. Curly interviews that Paris's and Nicole's clothing is a little different than what most girls wear in Arkansas. Montage of various family members commenting on the girls' clothes and the amount of luggage they brought.

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Simple Life




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