Simple Life
Green Acres

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Green Acres

The girls are shown into the house. The first room they enter appears to be unfinished. I'm guessing it's a mudroom of sorts. Janet tells them to watch out for the well, which is just sitting in the middle of the room. The hell? Many of my extended family members have well water, but the wells are always really far away from the house. I always assumed it was to avoid being contaminated by the septic tank, because usually if you have well water, you don't have a sewer either. Paris asks uncertainly what a well is for. Come on. She has to be kidding, right? I mean, hasn't she ever heard of Jack and Jill? Paris interviews that she's never seen anything like this. Paris giggles that their room has no windows. Wait, that's their room? Indeed, there are just openings in the wall, and no windows put in yet. Like, they'll be sleeping there? Oh, hell no. Who would put guests in a room like that? No one. Not even hillbillies, which I don't think these people are. Good Lord. I just watched Coal Miner's Daughter the other day (which is one of the greatest movies of all time) and even Loretta Lynn's family had windows and doors. Nicole says that she knew they would be living in shitty conditions, but that she didn't think they'd be "living on a goddamned porch...with a well in the middle of the floor." Nicole and Paris look around and try to smile.

Janet gives the girls a tour of the house. She gestures towards a blackboard, where each person is assigned a chore. It looks like Paris gets to clean out the chicken coop, but we can't see what Nicole's chore is. Braxton has to take out the trash. He's four! How exactly is that going to work? Can he even carry a trash bag? Janet shows the girls the one bathroom in the house. Cue the Ally McBeal-like needle scratching on a record. Nicole interviews that she assumed that there would be another bathroom, and that it's awful. It would be difficult to have only one bathroom for nine people, assuming that the grandparents live there too. My friend Mary grew up with one bathroom for eight people (two parents and six kids), and I still don't quite know how that worked. Braxton asks if they are going to stick around, and Janet says that they have to go outside and do chores before it's time to start supper. In an interview that was obviously conducted on a totally different day, based on clothing, Janet asks Albert how it's going, and Albert says that it's awkward. Janet asks what they should do, and Albert suggests that they send the girls out somewhere.

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Simple Life

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