Tony stalks back inside. Georgie tells him he has Serge on the line, and Tony tells him he'll take it at the end of the bar, but of course Georgie loses Serge while trying to transfer the call, and Tony bitches at him. Ah, Mafia Luddite humor. "Now he's not gonna call back," Tony says, sounding like he might cry. Enter Christopher: "Brendan's a good earner, T." Tony says he knows, but he doesn't like "that methamphetamine." Christopher shrugs and lights a cigarette as Tony crabs, "Oh fuck, I gotta call my mother." He steels himself and dials Livia "Bride Of Crankenstein" Soprano, who greets him with a theatrical, "Ohhhh -- look who calls!" She says that she'd wondered when he'd finally call her. Tony says with false cheer that she can stop wondering now, because he's called; after a pause, he reminds her that he called her the day before, so she should have called him back. Livia gripes that she called Tony's house, but an operator answered and she couldn't understand a word the operator said. Tony less-than-patiently explains that that's the answering machine. "Oh, fancy fancy," Livia sneers. She tells Tony to hang on while she turns down the heat under the mushrooms, and she stands up. We hear a "peep," and Livia sniffs the air.
At the club, Tony busts Georgie's chops some more, saying that he and Livia "are like two peas in a pod," and Livia can't "master the phone either," but at least Livia has an excuse: "She's seventy years old." Georgie shrugs all what-do-you-want-me-to-say.
Livia looks out her front window at a postal worker who's futzing around at her neighbor's front door: "What is she doing, now?" In the background, the unmistakable whoomp of something bursting into flame; Livia whiffs the air again, and horror creeps over her face. "Oh my god," she says.
Tony hears her quail, "Oh my gaaaahhhd," and shouts, "Ma!" into the phone.
In the kitchen, Livia waves her hands ineffectually at the fire merrily burning away in the frying pan, and as Tony continues to yell, "Ma -- hey! Ma!" from the receiver, she fills a glass with water and throws it on the flames, which only serves to fan them. Still wailing "ohhhh my gaaaahhhd," she flees the kitchen. "Where the hell is she," Tony grumbles on the other end of the line, and finally Livia picks up the phone again and demands, "Who is this?" Tony uh-duhs, "It's Anthony." She tells him the mushrooms have caught fire, and in the foreground smoke billows up from the fungi flagrantes. Tony tells her to get the fire extinguisher he gave her from under the sink, but she doesn't move, moaning that "oh my gaahhd, the wall's gettin' all black," so Tony switches tacks and tells her to hang up and call 911. Georgie calls over that "the guy's on the second line," at the same time that Livia quavers, "Aren't you coming over?" Tony spits at Georgie to put the guy on hold and tells Livia that he can't come over, he's forty minutes away, and she should hang up and call 911 and then get out of the house. "Ahhh, look at how I live, ah ah," Livia fusses. Christopher and Silvio look on in amusement as Tony tells her yet again to hang up and call the fire department. Livia does so; dialing each individual digit takes her a good five seconds. Tony also hangs up and dials Carmela to tell her Livia's "got a fire in the kitchen." Carmela's in the middle of polishing her nails; after a resigned eye-roll, she agrees to go over and check on Livia. Then Tony clicks over to talk to Serge; in the background, several almost-naked women hover around all concerned while Georgie looks thrilled to have successfully transferred a call. Tony tells Serge he'll have to call him back. "Is your mom okay?" one of the strippers asks. "This shit cannot go on like this," Tony snaps, coming out from behind the bar. On his way out, he passes Pussy and Paulie, and Pussy stops him to ask if he's got a plate number for the teacher's stolen car. Tony stares at him blankly for a moment before brusquely telling him to ask Carmela.