Sopranos
Sopranos

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LuluBates: D | 483 USERS: B-
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So we start this episode with Big Pussy, Christopher, and Paulie delivering a refrigerator. Oh, did you miss the episode where they decided to go straight and started an appliance store out on Route 3? So did I. But wait! All three pull out their really big loud guns and grab some suit when he opens his apartment door. Those wacky writers -- they didn't go straight at all! It was a big joke! Hoo! Paulie lets the suit know that this is a message to his friends not to go to Jersey, not even on Sunday. Through the duct tape on his mouth, the suit says he'll tell him. Paulie says they've been told. Twice. Now he'll tell them. And then he shoots the suit in the head. Then they steal all his money. Which is a lot. We're talking suitcases of cash here, folks. Not to say that crime pays or anything.

Meanwhile, back in Nutley, Tony is thanking his Stupid Neighbor for recommending Dr. Melfi by giving him a big ol' box of cigars. Stupid Neighbor is about to refuse, but then realizes that they are Cuban cigars. So he keeps them, but not before asking, "These are illegal, right?" And Tony backhands him and tells him to get out, because such rampant stupidity is not allowed in the Soprano house. Oh, but wait, it is. Anyway, Tony just confirms that they are Cuban. And one quick aside, Cuban cigars are legal in every country in the entire world except for the US. If you wanted Cubans, it would really not be hard to, say, do some, uh, personal importing. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. So anyway, shut up, Stupid Neighbor. Tony takes a phone call from Paulie, who tells him that the thing happened and Juan Valdez has been separated from his donkey. Which is gangster-speak for something. Maybe I'll go buy a Mobster/English dictionary today. Stupid Neighbor tells Tony that he's been watching him putt in the backyard and invites him to come down and play golf at the Club, 'cause I guess Tony's been slumming it and playing at the public course. Tony says he'll think about it.

At some hotel, Paulie and Tony are in his-and-hers terry bathrobes while Christopher shows off the cash. Tony is excited and wants to use the cash to go legit. If by "legit" you mean "setting up a phony IPO and a brokerage firm to sell off stocks, after artificially inflating the price using insider trading tips." Their discussion of the stock market is cut off by the appearance of the Russian goomahs, who send them off to the Jacuzzi. And I'm not going to actually quote the little lady, because the image she created is not one I am really savoring. Thank me later. Christopher decides to forego the festivities in order to celebrate with Adriana. And I don't blame him at all, 'cause I wouldn't want to sit in a big Jacuzzi with Tony and Paulie either.

Sopranos

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