Sopranos
Sopranos

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A- | 561 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
He May Walk Like A Man, But He Ain't No Gigolo

Das Sopranohaus. Carmela is in the living room, reading a brochure about Bo-Tox in case the divorce gets finalized and she has to go find work on Nip/Tuck or something. Because there's no way in hell Edie Falco would ever stoop to appearing on dreck like Joey. AJ wanders in, and asks for permission to attend some concert in New York City later in the week. Carmela, however, refuses to let him stay overnight in the city, so AJ just whines a lot and heads back to his room.

The Executive Game. We'll start with a run-down on the players: We've got Lawrence Taylor (the greatest defensive player in NFL history, and a convicted former crack addict), Dr. Fried (a.k.a. "The Prick Doctor", who for the purposes of this recap will be known as "Dr. Rosenburgsteinwitzgold"), Wide Guy (the worst defensive player in NBA history), Unknown Guy (um…he's the dealer), Hesh (producer of four hit singles), Bernie Brillstein (producer of, among others, ALF, News Radio, and The Lyon's Den), Silvio (producer of five gold records), and Steve Buscemi (directed "Pine Barrens" and "Everybody Hurts"). Also present as observers are Paulie, Chris, Little Paulie, and Feech, who is telling a rather lengthy story about -- I kid you not -- the time he stuck his toe into the nether regions of a Braniff Airlines stewardess. Next to arrive is Tony, with Vinnie Delpino in tow. Tony makes a big show of greeting everyone, calling LT "Sir Lawrence of the Meadowlands," mocking Steve Buscemi for being too poor to play, and giving Silvio a few playful slaps on the face. And there he is, getting handsy with the help again. That's got to mean something. Feech wants to get back to his crotch-toe tale, so he complains loudly about Tony's need to say hello to every single person in the room. Tony: "What, did I interrupt one of your impermeable stories?" Heh. Well, I guess that depends on whether or not he had a condom on that toe, doesn't it? Tony steps on the punch line of Feech's story by suggesting that the stewardess died of asphyxiation brought on by his stinky feet, and then Silvio folds his cards with the memorable (if meaningless) line, "Fuck it, this hand is from Thalidomide." It had flippers? Tony takes Silvio's place at the table, and asks Dr. Rosenpenis about the upcoming wedding of his daughter Suzy Rosenpenis. Dr. Rosenrosen replies that his wife and daughter are obsessed with becoming the featured couple of the week in the "Vows" column of the New York Times. Tony can sympathize, and recalls that Carmela "calls the Times wedding section the 'ladies sports page.'" Then he mentions that he never got his invitation. This is greeted with awkward silence from everyone, and for a moment it's difficult to tell whether or not Tony was being serious. Then everyone laughs it off, and Tony indicates that he was just joking, but I'm not so sure.

Sopranos

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