Sopranos
All Happy Families…

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Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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He May Walk Like A Man, But He Ain't No Gigolo

Carmela changes the subject by announcing that they've been called into AJ's school for a parent/teacher conference on the subject of their moronic son's rapidly declining grades. The conference is with the same "Wegler" that Tony remembers from last season as the "Billy Budds" guy. Heh. Carmela chews out Tony once again for spoiling AJ and dragging him to NBA games instead of forcing him to study. "I get to be the prison warden over here while you indulge him," gripes Diane Whittlesey. "I don't have to listen to this shit anymore," answers Tony, as he stomps towards the door. "That's why we're separated!" Heh. Carmela is utterly incredulous at his insane self-absorption, and shouts, "Are you kidding me? That is not why!" at his rapidly receding back.

Elsewhere, Lorraine the Loan Shark is emerging from the shower, calling for her boy-toy, and toweling her hair dry. Suddenly, Random Thug #1 pops out from behind the bathroom door, introduces himself as Billy, and then grabs the towel and snaps her with it. Hee hee! He chases her through the house, snapping the towel like it's junior high again and I'm back in third period gym class with stupid Duane Eulery, who's probably flipping burgers at McDonald's right now and won't sue me for mentioning his name in the recap because I don't even think he ever learned how to read. Man, I hated gym class. Anyway, Lorraine finally trips and falls onto her living room floor, where she sees Derek's corpse with a fresh bullet hole in his chest. She's naked, and crying, but Billy the Thug doesn't care. He reminds her that she was already warned about kicking up to Little Carmine, and then he shoots her dead. Outside, Frank Vincent waits silently in his car.

Cut to Angelo Garepe, getting the news about Lorraine's death. Frankie Valli and Little Carmine are there, and I have to say, that's not what I imagined Frankie Valli would look like. The good news, at least, is that I don't seem to be having a problem taking my eyes off of him. But that's probably because Little Carmine is practically crying because he's so scared of Johnny Sack. Frankie insists that they can take Sack down, and even predicts that everyone out in the streets will support them. Yeah. As pallbearers supporting their coffins, maybe. Frankie's name on the show, by the way, is "Rusty." That may be important later, to prevent excessively frequent "Frankie" frustrations.

Crazy Horse backroom. Tony, Silvio, Christopher, Vinnie Delpino, and Little Paulie are gathered for a meeting. I wonder why Big Paulie isn't there? Chris gives his opinion on the death of Lorraine, which is that it's an official declaration of war by Johnny Sack. Before the conversation can continue, however, Feech shows up, offering to kiss Tony's ring and generally acting like smarmy growler we've all come to know and tolerate. Never at a loss for an opinion or an anecdote (or even an antidote, but more on that later), Feech gives his impressions of the New York situation: "In my day, the top spot would have gone to Little Carmine, unless he was actually retarded or crippled or something. He's the son." Yeah. Remember that one later on when AJ ends up learning-disabled and eyebrow-impaired. Adriana comes back into the room to deliver their drinks, and Silvio asks to speak with her out in the hallway for a minute. We don't get to hear what they're saying, so I have to imagine that it's some sort of set-up for the future. And after getting burned on not mentioning The Russian in his first appearance, I'm not taking that sort of thing for granted anymore.

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Sopranos

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