Casa di Soprano. Carmela is curled up on the couch, bawling her eyes out at a [brand name deleted] dog food commercial. "What's wrong with me?" she wonders aloud, and we quickly cut to the answer: Tony and Gloria, emerging from the Jessica Germany hotel. They mack for a moment, but then Gloria notices that her car is listing to one side, and quickly discovers that her tires have been slashed. Tony is shocked, and looks around briefly for threats before examining the tires. As he does, Gloria notices a weird puss on his face, and demands to be told if he knows who might have done it. Tony reluctantly admits that Irina got jealous one time and slashed his own tires, but he still doesn't think it was her. Neither do I, by the way. Gloria so did it herself. Plus, if the Russians are going to come after anyone, it's Chris and Paulie, and it won't be by slashing their tires. Gloria makes it all about her once again, getting even angrier when Tony offers to pay for the damage. She taunts him repeatedly, finally referring to Irina as an "immigrant, alcoholic, probably HIV-laden slut," before Tony finally snaps and yells, "She wouldn't do it. I slapped the piss out of her last time." That's pretty much exactly what Gloria wanted to hear, and she fixes him with a evil smile as she asks, "Did you? Did you really hit her?" Their anger suddenly spent, Tony calmly explains that Irina is "a poor kid from an underdeveloped country," and that he'll have two new tires for Gloria in an hour. Then he tries some wacky tire-sizing humor as a frustrated Gloria stomps back inside.
Outside the Aprile Abode, Jackie and his sidekick are getting high and discussing potential card games they could hit. Jackie suggests one that he knows belongs to Joey Pants, primarily because he's fed up with all the "rinse-the-dishes bullshit." He starts laying out a plan that involves their pal Carlo and his shotgun, saying that everyone will respect them when they find out about it, and that they wont get "squashed" because "[his] old man is Jackie Aprile." TFTSNBN finally agrees to go along, and pulls out his cell phone to call the mysterious Carlo. There's no signal, however, and the boys head inside to meet the best meta-joke of the evening: Basic Instinct's famed no-underwear interrogation is playing on the TV, just at the point where "Whatever Happened To" Sharon Stone is explaining how she'd "have to be pretty stupid to write a book about killing, and then kill someone in the way [she] described it." You know, just like The Little Lord copying the card game caper? Man, these are some good writers. And editors, too. When the boys spot the movie, they grab a seat, leaning back to await the big leg-crossing moment. We slowly fade to black as the pot destroys their short-term memory, causing them to forget all about the plan to call Carlo.