Another Toothpick

Episode Report Card
Aaron: C+ | Grade It Now!
Requiem For A Gladiator

God: Nice continuity on the "Mr. Spears" alias. Good work, my son.
David Chase: Thanks. I can't believe You remember that. I guess I always figured You were more of a Touched By An Angel sort of guy. You know, because You probably have been.
God: Don't you read Omar's recaps? I watch everything. I've even helped you out with the competition a few times. Who do you think made Duchovny believe he could actually have a movie career?
David Chase: I just assumed that was Satan, not You.
Jessica: Why hast thou forsaken me, oh Lord?

Junior's Joint. Wow, that sounds a lot more suggestive than I thought it would. Sorry. Anyway, he and Bobby Jr. are setting the table. Burt and The Cough Of The Ages are on their way over with a" shortcake." When Bobby Jr. asks if Regular Junior managed to talk to Tony, he lies and claims to have decided against it. Then he feeds Bobby Jr. a line of crap about duty and honor that culminates with "Teddy Roosevelt once gave an entire speech with a bullet in his chest." For the record, no, he didn't. There's a weird bit with Junior and the garbage disposal, and then Burt hacks his way into the house. And not with a machete, either. When he starts coughing up blood, Junior freaks out and demands that he not make the hit. Burt insists, however, saying that his godfather status will allow him to get close, and "just when I think that I'm out, they pull me back in." April Fools! Actually, he says he finally feels useful. When Junior reminds him that he could be killed, he replies, "I'm dead anyway," and coughs up even more blood. If I were in that condition, I'd probably prefer a bullet too. And with that, I'll light another cigarette. Flick. Ahhhh…it's 1:30 am now, by the way. I've just discovered that V.I.P.. is on at two, though, and while I'm not much of a Pam Anderson fan, I've got to liven up my Saturday night somehow.

Vesuvio. By the way, we'll be learning later on in this paragraph that "Vesuvio" also sounds a lot more suggestive than I thought it would. Artie and Charmaine are in the kitchen, bickering over Artie's new plan to open a specialty foods store with Tony. Not only is she against doing business with mobsters, she also can't understand why he wants to name the place Satriale's instead of Vesuvio. I just figured it was because Tony has that extra Satriale's sign in his office at the Bing, but it turns out that he met with a marketing research guy who reports that "brand names starting with a V make people think 'vagina.'" Charmaine is appalled by this bit of semantic logic, and given that a quick check of my local pharmacy's feminine hygiene aisle turned up products named Femstat, Glad Rags, and Gyne-Lotrimin, I think she may have a point. On the other hand, what does V.I.P. make you think of? Charmaine mangles a Shakespeare quote and storms out.

In the dining room proper, Joey Pants is still babbling about Gladiator. Out of humble respect for Djb and his stellar recap, I'll forgo the obvious Oscar joke here. Instead, I did a little research on the cinematic success stories of The Sopranos stars we've all come to know and love. The results were actually quite surprising. While many of them have been in the movies you'd expect (Goodfellas (x3) and Mickey Blue Eyes (x4)), they've also graced the unexpected (I Shot Andy Warhol (x3) and pretty much every Woody Allen film ever), the unlikely (Private Parts, Random Hearts, and Michael Imperioli actually wrote Spike Lee's Summer of Sam), and the downright embarrassing (The Search For One-Eyed Jimmy (x2) and Tales of Erotica). This week's easier-than-it-looks challenge will be to figure out just which one of our erstwhile cast members appeared in that last one. It's not who you'd think. There's nary an Oscar in the bunch, by the way, although Bracco did get a nom for Goodfellas.

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