Another Toothpick

Episode Report Card
Aaron: C+ | Grade It Now!
Requiem For A Gladiator

God: Great. That's just great. As if Father Rin Tin Tin wasn't bad enough, now I've got Janice on my team? I bet Siddhartha never has to deal with freaks like this.
David Chase: No offense, Your, uh, Deityness, but you don't really seem to be all that merciful or compassionate or anything…
God: Psalm 58:10. "The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance, he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked."
David Chase: Uh, okay. Whatever. Just don't let Paulie hear You say that.

Basamento di Soprano. Meadow comes down past the bugged lamp and actually starts doing her own laundry. God, if You're listening, you might want to check and see if hell has frozen over. Of course, Meadow is also singing, which is never a good thing, and apparently, both the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the United States Supreme Court agree that Jamie Lynn Sigler can't sing and really shouldn't be planning to release that album, because the FBI guys in the van instantly shut off the tapes. Later, Meadow is upstairs talking with Carmela. Tony wanders past and overhears something about there being a thief on campus. Naturally, this captures his interest, and he wrests the details from Carmela, who explains that someone stole Meadow's bike from the rack. "Did you lock it?" asks Tony immediately, and that is totally the first thing my dad would have said, too. When Tony discovers that the thief was black, he licks his lips, smirks, and says, "Imagine that." He goes on to cite statistics on crime rates amongst African-Americans, and then Meadow gives The Mother Of All Eye-Rolls and launches into a sociological diatribe of her own. Out in the van, the FBI guys are wondering why they would be having this conversation in the basement before realizing that the lamp isn't in the basement anymore. In fact, it's been on the kitchen counter right to next to Tony for this whole scene. Meadow (quite correctly) calls her dad a hypocrite, grabs the lamp, and stalks off, saying she needs it for her dorm room. Carmela glares at Tony, who replies, "Now you've got something you can rat me out about in therapy." Out in the van, the agents are freaking out.

Cut to a restaurant best described as Bizarro-Vesuvio. This is what happens when you rearrange one restaurant set into another without changing any of the furniture. Plus, Artie and Adriana are there, toasting her retirement. Adriana notices Artie's new earring, which he claims to have had for years. Artie delicately tries to inquire if Christopher told her about his drunken outburst, and then he grabs her hands and tells her how much he'll miss her. Always with the inappropriate touching, this one. "I'll miss you too," Adriana replies, giving Artie a jewel of hope before ripping it straight off his earlobe by adding, "I'll miss Charmaine, and the busboys…" and pulling her hands away. He tells her about the divorce, and the new business with Tony, and I suddenly realize that as Joey Pants becomes less and less a carbon-copy of last season's Richie, Artie is becoming more and more a carbon-copy of last season's Davey Scatino. Adriana is happy for him, however, until he tells her that if she "ever changes [her] mind about marriage, there's always room for a bright, sexy VP," and grabs her hands again. She pulls away, and as he tries to convince her not to marry Chris, she asks for directions to the ladies room and makes her escape. As the waiter sets their food on the table, Artie looks forlorn. Man, I'd hate to have to sit through the rest of that dinner.

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