Maison de Soprano. Tony is kicking back on the sofa, watching the Prick Doctor commercial we saw being filmed last week. Tony calls Carmela over to watch, saying that he knows the guy, and while Dr. Fried goes on about increasing both "length" and "girth" (which, after "perseverate," is my second favorite word), Tony jokes, "Imagine, needing an operation like that." Who can guess what comes next? Yep, that's right. Carmela gives him a little look, and he blinks nervously and turns back to the TV. Before he can tell her that Gloria didn't seem to have any complaints, AJ comes trudging down the steps in his cadet uniform. Tony makes a Sergeant Bilko joke, but Carmela just gushes about how handsome he looks. AJ doesn't buy it, so Tony also points out that the dress grays show off his "lats." I used to think the whole "men in uniform" thing was just a tired old cliché, but when I was on the debate team in college, we used to compete against West Point cadets all the time, and the chicks were all over them. And believe me, if it can make a debate geek look sexy, there's definitely got to be something to it. Carmela begs AJ to put his dorky (and oddly phallic) hat on, which he reluctantly does, causing even more gushing. "I look like a total jerk-off," he says, stepping on my "phallic" joke, and when he turns back to them, there are tears rolling down his cheeks. Hey! There's no crying in military school! There is no crying in military school. Whoa, sorry about that. What with the four-hour Band of Brothers trailer that opened the episode, I suddenly seem to be channeling Tom Hanks over here. Anyway, AJ sobs that he doesn't want to go, but Tony tells him he needs "toughening up." AJ rips the hat off his head, and Carmela bends over to hem the pants. After some more swearing from AJ and yelling from Tony, the kid suddenly starts to hyperventilate, and then keels over sideways in a faint.