Sopranos
Sopranos

Episode Report Card
Miss Parker: B | 516 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Out of the woods

Tony pulls up to Livia's house in his substitute-mobile and bangs on the door in a manner that indicates, in law-enforcement terms, that a domestic altercation is brewing. Richie Aprile opens the door wearing a wife-beater and boxers. Not the way to start the day, my friend. Tony barges in, his aim to make mincemeat out of Janice for the loan business, but she's at the store. Richie plays hostess and offers Tony eggs and coffee, but Tony tells him to put his pants on in a scary tone of voice my father has only used twice in my life and it scared the shit out of me. Nonetheless, Richie does not put his pants on, and the snippy conversation continues. Tony behaves like a maniacal father as he grills Richie on the situation between him and Janice. Tony: You're like Israel and Palestine, there are men in the can better looking than Janice, you better not be moving in here, you used to get blowjobs from her in high school on my mother's couch. Ew. Too much blowjob talk can sour an episode. Richie: We have a history together, I thought a lot about her in prison, it was late, I slept over, we're taking it slow, people change, we're adults, picking up where we left off. How romantic. Except it's Richie talking, so -- not. Then Richie suddenly forgets he's a third Tony's size, takes a fork, and yells at him to back off, all due respect. Tony reminds Richie that he put him back in business, and fists are about to fly when Janice comes swooping in in her Age of Aquarius way. She's all "who me?" and Tony's all "yeah, you" about the loan. Janice says she's perfectly capable of getting a job to pay it off. Tripping her up with her fake disability claims, Tony says she'll have trouble even being a beggar for a living. Janice says she's just trying to make the house habitable for Livia, and Richie chimes in that he'll give her the money. Problem solved. All Tony can do is call them Ozzie and Harriet and tell Richie that Janice is his headache now. Ah, the joys of sibling rivalry.

Sopranos

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