Episode Report Card
Sars: D | 1 USERS: B+

Green Grove. Larry Boy Barese approaches Livia in the dining room and asks if she remembers him. "Oh, I know who you are," she tells him, almost sounding welcoming. "You lit an apartment house on fire and scared your mother half to death." It seems that Mrs. Barese is moving to Green Grove in a few days. Livia ignores this bit of information in favor of complimenting Larry Boy on his shoes; Larry Boy in turn ignores the compliment in favor of complaining that his mother "hasn't been well in the mind" and that she threw a jar of artichokes at him last week. "Well, she'd better not throw any artichokes at me," Livia quails. Tony arrives and kisses Livia on the cheek and asks if she remembers Larry, prompting her to chirp, "Water under the bridge!" and fiddle with her napkin. Huh? Tony tells her he and Larry Boy have to go for a walk, but they'll "be right back." "You should get some shoes like his," Livia tells Tony. And again I say -- huh?

Tony and Larry Boy walk off arm-in-arm. Larry Boy whispers to Tony that "you've always been a fuckin' genius, but this last move is the best move you ever did. The Feds'll never surveil an old-folks' home." Tony laughs that he knows, so he arranged for six truckloads of "bootleg Polident." Enter Jimmy Altieri. Larry Boy asks him if he got his mother settled in yet, and Jimmy grunts, "They're not sure they're gonna accept her. They wanna see my financial statement again." He rolls his eyes. Tony opens the paper and asks about the status of an office-supply chain that's coming up from Virginia. Larry Boy says he thinks they'll "listen to reason on minority hiring." The boys all chuckle. Then Tony freezes. Zoom in on a picture of Coach Hauser, the soccer coach, above a blurb that says he's just accepted a coaching post at the University of Rhode Island. "What the fuck?" Tony mutters, standing up straighter.

Cut to girls' feet running drills. We see Meadow and her teammates doing footwork exercises as Coach Hauser exhorts them to concentrate, more energy, yadda yadda yadda. Silvio and Artie approach him, and Hauser tells them that "practice is closed today -- I'm trying to keep the team focused." Please. It's high-school soccer. Lighten up. Silvio ignores him: "What are ya doin'? You're leavin' us? After two fuckin' years?" Hauser winces; he told "that reporter" to wait until after sectionals before running the story. Artie accuses him of breaking Chiara's heart, and Hauser whines, "Believe me, Art, I am hugely conflicted!" Artie and Silvio and I all roll our eyes, and the girls stop their drills and gather behind the coach as he explains that Rhode Island doubled his salary and offered Deena a full scholarship: "What could I do? They made me an offer I couldn't refuse!"

"Yeah, well, you haven't heard ours yet," Silvio grumps, adding in a threatening tone that his daughter loves playing soccer "very much." Artie tries to shut Silvio up, telling Hauser that Silvio's "just kiddin' about the offer thing." Hauser turns to see the girls just milling around and bellows that "nobody blew a whistle -- let's not get lazy out here, come on!" The team doesn't exactly snap into action, and as she turns away, Meadow sneers audibly, "Why don't you go fuck yourself?" "Excuse me?" Hauser yells. The other girls all "oooooh" appreciatively, and Silvio threatens to tell her father, but Hauser stops him with a dorky "this is my field" and orders Meadow to give him ten laps around the goals. "Whatever," she seethes, and he snaps all drill sergeant, "Make it twenty. Anyone else wanna mouth off?" Nobody does. Meadow begins a desultory set of laps. Hauser snaps, "Good!" and assembles everyone else for a keep-away drill; Artie and Silvio leave the field, looking over their shoulders at Meadow running and glaring at Hauser.

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