Tony walks into the house to find A.J. playing video games. He asks if A.J.'s got school tomorrow. He doesn't. Tony tells him that it's late and he should go upstairs anyway. A.J. pouts, turns off the television, and stomps upstairs. Carmela appears and says she hopes Tony apologized to A.J. She says he promised he'd be at the swim meet. Tony says he forgot. Carm starts berating him immediately, telling him how upset A.J. was when he saw Tony wasn't there. Tony says that it's only fair, since he tried to take A.J. to the movies the other day, but he had to go to the mall. "What are you, six years old?" Carmela asks. She asks why Tony's been like an "alien life form" all week. Tony says nothing's wrong. He tells Carmela to leave him the fuck alone and that he'll make it up to A.J. later. Carmela asks if Tony was visiting Christopher in the hospital, because wherever he was couldn't have been more important than showing his son that he cares for him. Tony sarcastically sneers that only Carmela cares for A.J. They tell each other to fuck off a few times, and then Carm throws a magazine at Tony. Then she lunges at him, spouting obscenities, hitting him and pushing him. Tony's got her arms, and for a second you see a smile on his face as he asks her what the fuck's her problem. He tosses her down to the couch. Carmela stands back up and races upstairs. Tony plops himself into his recliner, tosses his newspaper aside, and broods. Again, I'm pretty sure David Chase had a secret camera in my family's living room during the eighties.
Meadow is walking through the house in the middle of the night with a bag over her shoulder. She walks to the kitchen and opens the fridge. Sitting at the table in the dark, Tony asks her what she's doing up. She jumps and tells him that he "scared the shit out of [her]." She tells him that she's about to go online, and that's somehow supposed to explain the purse on her shoulder, but I don't know why. She asks why he's sitting in the dark. He says he likes the dark. He tells her to sit for a minute. She sits down with her orange juice. He asks what's going on. "With what?" she asks. "Whatever, I don't know. What's going on?" Meadow: "I just told you. The chat room. Is that it?" Tony asks Meadow if she knows that he loves her. She says that she does. He says that Carmela thinks he doesn't love her enough. "And you listen to her?" Meadow asks. Tony says that everything he does, everything he's done and everything he will do, is for her and her brother. Meadow says he should go to bed. Tony says that everyone thinks that Meadow is like Carmela, but he knows she takes after him, that nothing gets by her. Meadow announces that she's going to bed. She tells Tony to go to bed. He says he's going to finish his drink first. Meadow says goodnight and walks away. She turns back around and says, "Sometimes, we're all hypocrites." They smile at each other, and Meadow leaves. This Christmas, I'm searching our fireplace for the wiretap David Chase has obviously installed in my home.