Back in New Jersey, Uncle Junior is attending his competency hearing. I'll treat this plotline with the same amount respect the writers do this week, and just tell you that his motion was denied. Junior is going to trial.
Later, Janice is sitting at home smoking a joint when the phone rings. It's Bobby, and Janice calmly claims to have just been doing some housework. Heh. We don't hear Bobby's side of the conversation, but Janice acts shocked, and quickly runs over to his house. Once she's there, Bobby explains that the kids found the Ouija board, and have been freaked out about it all night long. "I had to read to Sophia for like an hour. She couldn't even handle the Nancy Drew. It was too mysterious!" Heh. And that's coming from someone who owns a complete set of the original Hardy Boys, in hardcover no less. Damn you, Parker Stevenson, for ruining my childhood! Janice shakes her head and looks all concerned until Bobby finally prompts her to say what's on her mind. "The dead have nothing to say to us, Bobby," she tells him. "It's our own narcissism that makes us think they even care." Damn! Now that's a Six Feet Under slam if I've ever heard one! Methinks someone is a little jealous about getting their Emmy nomination record broken. Perhaps that someone should have gotten off his ass and turned out some episodes last year. I'm just saying. She promises him that things will get better with time, and then offers to cook dinner. Which seems rather un-Janice-like at first, but her master plan quickly becomes clear. She opens the freezer, and pulls out Karen's final ziti. They consider it silently for a moment, but then Bobby finally gives a tiny nod. Should we be happy that he's moving on, or frightened about who he's doing it with?
Miami. Tony, Beansie, Carmine's son, and three bimbettes are eating dinner in a restaurant. Bimbo #1 (no relation to Random Thug #1) is telling a story about how she got fired from Disneyworld when Beansie interrupts to announce that Tony and Little Carmine have important things to discuss. He leads the girls away, and several other patrons turn to stare at the ridiculously skimpy outfit one of them is wearing. Once the girls are gone, Tony and Little Carmine get down to business. LC seems to be fully informed about what's been going on up north, and he appreciates the respect Tony is showing him by reaching out. "I know my old man can be a tough nut to crack," he says. "I don't want to crack nuts," replies Tony. "But I will." Little Carmine tries to blame the whole thing on Johnny Sack, but Tony is reluctant to go there, so Carmine decides to try an anecdote: "I am reminded of Louis the whatever's finance minister," he pontificates. "Duh-something. He built a chateau. Nicole and I saw it when we went to Paris. It even outshone Versailles, where the king lived." To show how stupid he's supposed to be, Little Carmine pronounces it "Ver-sales." Little does he know that half the cities in America have a town named Versailles that's pronounced exactly that way, including, of course, Pittsburgh. I've also got a boss named DuBois, who loudly and repeatedly insists that it be pronounced "Duboyz." Sigh. Little Carmine wraps up his story by announcing that the king had his minister "clapped in irons." And if you thought he was dumb, what does it say about Tony that he doesn't even know what "clapped in irons" means? Little Carmine promises to speak with his dad, and as Tony expresses his gratitude, I head for the IMDb to figure out where I've seen this actor before. Hmm. Let's see. The guy's name is Ray Abruzzo, and in a twenty-year career that's spawned a mere seven entries on his page, Ray has played guys named Anthony Giuliano, Anthony Gianelli, Johnny "Two Times," and now Little Carmine Lupertazzi. Hmm. I'm sensing a theme here. And don't think his stint as Detective Mike McGuire on The Practice is fooling anybody. Before they wrap things up, Tony confesses that he intends to inform Johnny about this conversation, so that John doesn't feel "blind-sighted" by the whole thing. Hee! Now that's the best malapropism of the week, and if it weren't for the closed-captioning, I never would have caught it.