Sopranos
Calling All Cars

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
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Dream On

Miami. Tony, Beansie, Carmine's son, and three bimbettes are eating dinner in a restaurant. Bimbo #1 (no relation to Random Thug #1) is telling a story about how she got fired from Disneyworld when Beansie interrupts to announce that Tony and Little Carmine have important things to discuss. He leads the girls away, and several other patrons turn to stare at the ridiculously skimpy outfit one of them is wearing. Once the girls are gone, Tony and Little Carmine get down to business. LC seems to be fully informed about what's been going on up north, and he appreciates the respect Tony is showing him by reaching out. "I know my old man can be a tough nut to crack," he says. "I don't want to crack nuts," replies Tony. "But I will." Little Carmine tries to blame the whole thing on Johnny Sack, but Tony is reluctant to go there, so Carmine decides to try an anecdote: "I am reminded of Louis the…whatever's finance minister," he pontificates. "Duh-something. He built a chateau. Nicole and I saw it when we went to Paris. It even outshone Versailles, where the king lived." To show how stupid he's supposed to be, Little Carmine pronounces it "Ver-sales." Little does he know that half the cities in America have a town named Versailles that's pronounced exactly that way, including, of course, Pittsburgh. I've also got a boss named DuBois, who loudly and repeatedly insists that it be pronounced "Duboyz." Sigh. Little Carmine wraps up his story by announcing that the king had his minister "clapped in irons." And if you thought he was dumb, what does it say about Tony that he doesn't even know what "clapped in irons" means? Little Carmine promises to speak with his dad, and as Tony expresses his gratitude, I head for the IMDb to figure out where I've seen this actor before. Hmm. Let's see. The guy's name is Ray Abruzzo, and in a twenty-year career that's spawned a mere seven entries on his page, Ray has played guys named Anthony Giuliano, Anthony Gianelli, Johnny "Two Times," and now Little Carmine Lupertazzi. Hmm. I'm sensing a theme here. And don't think his stint as Detective Mike McGuire on The Practice is fooling anybody. Before they wrap things up, Tony confesses that he intends to inform Johnny about this conversation, so that John doesn't feel "blind-sighted" by the whole thing. Hee! Now that's the best malapropism of the week, and if it weren't for the closed-captioning, I never would have caught it.

We now get a quick cut back to Janice and Bobby, as they silently eat The Mythical Ziti Of Accepting Bereavement. Bobby looks pained. Janice looks bored.

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Sopranos

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