Sopranos
Christopher

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No One Is To Blame

Bobby's house. Carmela and a few of Bobby's sisters are there, helping him deal with the kids. I'd say Bobby looks like a shell of his former self, but he hasn't exactly lost all the weight yet. By the way, see what I did there? With the early SttM reference? Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Anyway, Bobby heads upstairs to put the kids to bed, and Carmela answers the phone to find Uncle Junior on the other end of the line. Junior wants to apologize for missing the funeral, but with the trial and all, he can't be seen associating with known mobsters. He also wants a ride to court the next morning, and Carmela quickly upbraids him for being so selfish. Then she hangs up on him, leaving Junior alone to contemplate his own mortality.

Meanwhile, Joey has arrived at Janice's house to begin their new life together. He screeches up in his car, lays on the horn, and then jumps out and dances around her front yard, screaming that they don't have to hide any more. Janice isn't quite sure what to make of the news, but Joey, who's clearly high on something, is ecstatic. He leads her inside, promising to "devote [himself] to [her] completely." Then he licks her face. Ew. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd rather be watching Joey and Rachel. They start making out by the staircase, and Joey starts kissing his way down her body. Now if this were Six Feet Under, he'd have made it all the way down there, but fortunately it isn't, and Janice remembers that it's her night to be at Bobby Bacala's house. She can't decide what to do, but another face lick quickly convinces her. They run up the stairs, and we're fortunately spared the sex-scene this time.

Vesuvio. And it seems I was wrong earlier. Donnie Pfaster isn't in Hesh's family. Instead we get to meet the actual niece's husband "Marty," who merely knows Donnie, and who is played by that guy who always plays Italian schlubs. No, not him. The other one. Yeah. Anyway, Marty complains that the bubble-jet printer Hesh gave his daughter for her Bar Mitzvah doesn't work, and Tony and Silvio look like they're about to start beating him over the head with it if he doesn’t shut up soon. Finally, Big Chief Donnie arrives, and introductions are made all around. Tony thanks him for coming all the way down to New Jersey, but Big Chief Donnie replies that he had business in Manhattan anyway. A passing Artie mutters, "Oh! Not again!" before setting down some plates and walking away. Bwah! Now that's the best line of the night. If I were someone who spent too much time in our forums, I might even say Michael Imperioli owes me a new keyboard. Oh, wait. I do spend too much time in our forums. I'd still never say that, though. After everyone finishes either laughing at the idea of an Indian chief (or rather "chairman," as Marty puts it) in a button-down suit and tie, or being creeped-out by the thought of an Indian chief who's also a hair and finger-nail obsessed serial killer, they all start discussing business. Big Chief Donnie proves quite amenable to helping them stop the protest, even going so far as to point out that his casino has a very large Italian customer base. Once the deal is done, Silvio comes right out and mentions that Big Chief Donnie doesn't really look like much of an Indian. Donnie, of course, admits that he had a "racial awakening" right about the same time the casino bill was passed. He also says that the mother of his grandmother on his father's side was one-quarter Mohonk. Heh. Marty takes us out of the scene by raising his glass and suggesting that everyone "Mohonk if you love Columbus." Hee!

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Sopranos

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