Once the bones have been evenly pureed (feel free to consult the Sopranos cooking thread for tips on how to garnish femur pudding), Chris and Diet Tony drive to a different dark, deserted dock and throw them into a lake. Farewell, Emil "Email" Kolar. Unlike Fairuza Balk, you'll live forever on my DVD shelf.
Back at the Bing, Vinnie and Oblong Guy arrive to give their report. The usual suspects are gathered in the back room, and everyone looks confused and upset when they learn that Johnny Sack now has the Vespas. "It's fucking payback," says Tony. "Johnny's got it in his head that somehow my cousin had something to do with Joey Peeps." According to Silvio, "Johnny should be out looking for the real killers, instead of spending all his time on that golf course." Heh. It amuses me that Silvio is the only person in the entire room who is smart enough even to get that joke. Which is probably why he felt confident making it. "We got a whole fucking shipment of cheese coming in next month," complains Tony. "The imported provolone. I guess we can kiss that goodbye too, now." Hee hee. Only on The Sopranos would the mafia be dealing in motor scooters and fancy imported cheese. What's next, Toblerone? Segways? Plastic singing fish? Tony does a slow burn for a few moments, and then suddenly releases his rage by smashing a pool cue against the table and breaking it in half. Everyone else just stands there looking confused and embarrassed.
And speaking of things that are confusing and embarrassing, here comes what is undoubtedly the worst directorial choice in the history of this show. And you people thought the unnecessary close-ups of Tony's man-boobs were bad. Our old pal Counselor Wegler is wandering through the halls of his school one evening, when he runs into Carmela, who just so happens to be there for a PTA meeting or something. "You were pretty upset when you left," he observes. "I wanted to call. I began to really rue what happened." I'm sorry, did he say "rue"? Who talks like that? Before he can even finish his sentence, Carmela announces that she's "going back with [her] husband," and immediately turns to walk away. It's been debated in the forums all week whether that was intended as a threat or just a brush-off, and I'm personally inclined to join the "brush-off" camp. I think she just wanted him to believe that she'd successfully moved on. I also think they're trying to lay the groundwork for an eventual reconciliation between her and Tony, but that's just me. In any event, she starts to walk away, and then my fancy new HD DVR breaks down, and the scene drops into slow-motion and then freezes altogether. Oy. Why? Just...why? That serves no artistic purpose, it doesn't illuminate our understanding of Carmela's mental state, it looks like it was edited on a Commodore 64, and it completely and totally yanks you out of the moment. And then they follow it up with an actual wipe to the next scene, and even in the fourth grade I knew better than to try shit like that. Memo to Mike Figgis: You've now made exactly one good movie in about fifteen tries. It's time for you either to start kissing Nic Cage's ass for a sequel, or start considering a career in long-haul trucking or something. In other words, leave Newark now, and don't ever come back.