Cold Cuts

Episode Report Card
Aaron: D+ | Grade It Now!
Angry Fat Man

Once the wedding-video transitions are finally out of the way, we find ourselves down on the farm, where Chris, Diet Tony, and Uncle Pat are spending a relaxing afternoon fishing by the lake. Chris is noticeably drinking Coke in this scene, and they specifically don't cover up the label this time because it's actually a plot point. Uncle Pat congratulates Chris on his sobriety, and then remembers that Christopher's mother has the same problem. That tidbit makes my mind wander while I try to figure out exactly how Mama Moltisanti became a Blundetto like Diet Tony. Or was she a Blundetto before she was a Moltisanti? And if so, how is she related to Tony? Uncle Pat, on the other hand, lets his mind wander in a completely different direction, and it eventually ends up over by some fence posts where he's finally remembered that the Johnson brothers are buried. Wow. Good thing they didn't make a big deal out his forgetting then, right? Continuing to grate on my every last nerve, Figgis ends the scene with a long, slow, pastoral pull-out that does nothing but pad the episode's running time. And it still only managed to clock in at forty-eight minutes. Whatever.

Livia's house. Tony and Janice are in the kitchen, and Tony is complaining that his maid left some mail from three weeks ago hidden behind the cereal boxes on the counter. Janice cheerfully (and reasonably) suggests that he just hire someone new, but Tony gripes that after two anger management classes she already feels entitled to tell other people how to live their lives. "Don't let it stop you from taking you kids to the rink," he adds, referencing the pair of ice skates she's carrying. Heh. Rink-rage humor always cracks me up. I've had that episode of The Simpsons where Bart and Milhouse play "Hockey Dad" on my TiVo forever. The rest of this scene, unfortunately, leaves quite a bit to be desired. It's basically just an opportunity for Janice to go on, at length, about all the wonders of anger management therapy. And again, it doesn't advance the plot, and it doesn't add to the characters because we've seen all this stuff from them before. Janice goes in for therapy fads, and Tony doesn't trust anything that sounds touchy-feely. So why rehash all that for the ten billionth time? I guess someone thought they were being clever by foleying in the sound of an annoying, yippy dog barking outside the window throughout the scene just to illustrate that small frustrations just roll right off Janice's back now. The only real subtext here, however, is that Tony is surprisingly supportive of his sister's efforts. But that's just because they're alone. It's not until you add her whole family in later that when things get really out of hand. And speaking of out of hand, the sound effects team gets to go really wild once Janice leaves, and they pipe in some approaching sirens as we end the scene on a close-up of Tony's face. Foreshadowing, or just Figgis being Figgis? You be the judge.

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