Bada Bing backroom. Silvio is playing cards with Paulie and Carlo Gervasi when Tony shows up to tell them all about the Vespa situation. Carlo is pissed, because he's under the impression that "the young crowd is crazy for these scooters." Yeah. Razor scooters, maybe. In 1998. There's not a kid on Earth that dreams of owning a Vespa. Not even AJ is that dorky. ["I see dozens of douchebag kids in my neighbourhood who'd beg to differ, but then I live in Little Italy." -- Wing Chun] Tony isn't sure whether to believe Johnny's story or not (In Vespa Veritas?), which seems a little odd when you remember that Johnny pretty much just came right out and admitted stealing the scooters. Silvio: "I will say, very interesting timing, T. You and John have that little chat at the funeral, whatever that was...suddenly, no Vespas." It's the facial mugging on the "whatever that was" part that really sells the line. Tony suddenly gets a call on his cell, and he kicks everyone out of the office, but not before ordering Vinnie Delpino to go find Oblong Guy and investigate what's been happening down at the port. As soon as the room is empty, Tony answers by immediately promising to take care of "the property taxes." "Hello to you, too," replies Carmela. "I just thought you should know," she adds, with obvious relish, "your sister Janice got arrested."
Cut to a news broadcast, featuring what I'm sure sixty-five million emailers will tell me is a real-life New Jersey anchorman. He describes Janice as a local woman "with ties to the mafia," and then throws it to a field reporter by asking if the "other mother should go into the Soccer Mom Protection Program." Oy. Is there a Lame Local News Copy-Writer Protection Program anywhere? Because I watch HBO specifically so that I never have to hear shit like that. The field reporter fills us in on the details while Blondie gets checked out by some paramedics behind her, and then Not Janeane Garofalo gets her one line of the episode: "I just feel so bad for the kids." Hmm. Given how political this show has become of late, I can only assume that's some sort of oblique reference to Air America. On the other hand, remember when Janeane Garofalo really was on this show? Yeah. That was a good episode. This one? Not so much. We switch to Camcorder Man's footage of the actual incident, and even though I hated this entire episode, I do have to admit that what comes next is one of the funniest single shots this show has ever had. A screeching Janice gets chased into the frame by a cop, who then brings her down with an open-field tackle that would have done LT proud. Hee hee. Rewind. Rewatch. Rewind. Rewatch. After positively identifying Janice one last time as the "sister of reputed New Jersey mob boss Anthony Soprano," we go to an interview with noted psychologist "Bela Kakuk." Heh. In an effort to exposit our primary theme for the evening, Bela explains, "Psychologists are finding that certain individuals are particularly prone to rage. Almost any frustration, inconvenience, or perceived inconsideration will set them off." In an effort to set our approximate level of wit for the evening, Kakuk delivers this information in a dry, emotionless monotone, whereas Tony reacts by smacking the set and yelling "motherfucker." Do you get it? Do you? Yeah, well you'd damn well better, because I'm getting really fucking sick of explaining shit to you motherfuckers! Or, you know, something like that.