Cut to Chris and Diet Tony, digging away by the light of a few lanterns. They're worried about possibly having to excavate the entire farm in order to find the Johnsons, because they know that's what Tony will tell them to do. "Let him come up here and dig," suggests Diet Tony. "Please," answers Chris. "He's a heart attack waiting to happen." Diet Tony: "That's no joke. Our bodies are 86% water. His last blood test, he was 65% zeppola." That's funnel cake to you and me, by the way. Diet Tony goes on with a few more fat jokes, much to Christopher's amusement. You see? Nothing makes people bond more than bitching about the boss. That's why all us recappers are such close friends. Ow! All right, fine. I deserved that punch. Sorry, Wing. ["That goes both ways, hoss. Why do you think Sars and I have IM?" -- Wing Chun] "I should talk to him," sighs Diet Tony. "It's a shame, you know, because he used to be the funnest guy in the world." Christopher adds that, now that Tony is on top, he's really started to isolate himself. "Yeah," agrees Diet Tony. "Just him and his money." Christopher suddenly strikes something hard with his shovel, and he brushes away some dirt to reveal a skull. "Who is this guy, anyway?" asks DT. "My first," replies Chris. "A Czechoslovakian guy. This is the second time I'm moving him." Of course, the first time around he said he was moving him to the Pine Barrens, so wouldn't that make this the third time?
Back in Newark, a security guard is being chased down a bridge. And despite the best efforts of the promo-monkeys, it's not Wide Guy's security guard. Instead, it's some random dude who works at Port Newark. Vinnie Delpino and Oblong Guy beat the crap out of him until he reveals that it was Phil Leotardo who stole the Vespas. I have to say, there's something extremely gratifying about seeing Doogie Howser's best friend gleefully knee-capping a guy. Where was all that misplaced aggression back when Wanda Plenn kept dumping his boy Doogie? Incidentally, here's another totally irrelevant digression for you: I used to have a major crush on Lisa Dean Ryan, especially when she was on that weird-ass MTV show about the guy with the microchip in his head. Am I the only one who remembers that?
Old McYorick's Farm. Chris and Diet Tony have adjourned to a shed, where they're busily wrapping bones in a blanket and smashing them to bits. Christopher takes a moment to gaze contemplatively into the eyeholes of Emil's skull, while the publishers of David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest cringe at the loss of a perfect product-placement opportunity. Surprisingly, it's Christopher who makes the first move towards détente here, as he thanks Diet Tony for helping out with Emil when he didn't have to. "Fuck that," replies DT. "You're my little cousin." Then he offers up an apology of his own: "I think I can imagine what you may be hearing about me, and what happened in New York. All I can say is, there's no truth to it. As far as Tony putting me in at the casino, I knew people were going to resent that. But I went away for a long time, stood up for this family. And you, or anybody else, can think what they like, but I feel I had a little coming to me." Christopher falls all over himself to agree, even going to so far as to claim that it was Vinnie Delpino who was bitching about the casino, and that Chris told him to shut up. Uh huh. They also agree that they both love Fat Tony (but not like Wide Guy loves Fat Tony), and then merrily go back to their bone crushing. And once again I find myself writing sentences that no one has ever written before.