Episode Report Card
Sars: D | 6 USERS: A-

Tony lurks on Petrulio's property. Petrulio and a blonde in the hot tub, giggling. A little girl wanders out on the deck and wants the blonde to put him to bed, and the blonde clambers out naked, and Petrulio hisses that he thought the kid had gone to sleep, and the blonde hisses back that yeah, well, she woke up, and she calls out that "Daddy's gonna come too, sweetie, we'll both put you to bed." "Hurry, Daddy," the kid baby-voices. "Yeah, yeah," Petrulio grumbles. They go inside. A dog starts barking; Tony takes off, and Petrulio comes out on the deck to look around but doesn't see anything, and he runs out into the yard and sees Tony's retreating taillights.

"Mmm, spicy." Oh, Father Phil, you naughty, naughty boy. Carmela blathers on about how she can't picture Jesus looking like Willem Dafoe, and Father Phil asks her to pass the cheese and tells her through a mouthful of food -- seriously, he has not stopped eating since he took his coat off -- that "originally, Bobby D was supposed to have that role." Okay, it really bugs me when people refer to celebrities by little nicknames that way, saying "Nic Cage" this and "Bob Downey Jr." that and "Dick Dreyfuss" the other thing; it's so Smurfy, and presumptuous besides. Anyway, Carmela expresses disbelief, and then Father Phil goes into an incredibly dorky imitation of DeNiro in Taxi Driver -- "You talkin' to me, Pilate," that sort of thing -- and Carmela mock-smacks him for blaspheming. Father Phil says that everything Jesus ever said only amounts to two hours of speaking total, and Carmela says she heard the same thing about the Beatles, except their songs totaled up only equal ten hours. Thanks for sharing, Carm. Father Phil mentions Jesus' deeds, and Carm acknowledges that she doesn't understand a lot of the things Jesus said, "like 'the sun rises on the just and the unjust alike'? Why?" Gee -- who could she possibly mean?

Father Phil starts to say something, but Carmela sputters, "But that whores will go to heaven before a lotta the righteous?" "Uh huh," Father Phil says, sipping his wine, and Carmela bleats, "But that's not right! Let's face it, Father, we've got some major contradictions here!" "It's about love," Father Phil tells her, "think about it like that." Carmela asks what that means, and he says that hopefully, someday, we can accept and forgive "those who are different -- change through love." No, it doesn't make any sense to me either. Carmela plays with her hair and stares into space. Father Phil looks at her. Then she snaps out of it and looks back at him, and he makes "I should get going" noises, and she makes "where ya goin', you just got here" noises, and he starts to make an excuse, but she says it's pouring rain and she knows he loves the DVD player, and she just got Remains Of The Day, and Father Phil strokes his chin and thinks it over as she smiles, "See? Do I know you?" Father Phil: "Anything with Emma Thompson -- I'm there." Shut UP, Father Phil. Carmela teases him: "I didn't know you looked." He compares looking at a beautiful woman to looking at a sunset or a Douglas fir, "or any of God's handiwork," and he gazes at Carmela longingly, and after a long and awkward moment, she takes the dishes out of his hands and heads to the kitchen.

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