Surly Tony and surly son in the car. Surly silence. Tony asks what's going on with him: "That 'no God' shit upset your mother very much." AJ tries to explain to his father, "It's not no God, it's just God is dead." Tony asks who said that. "Nitch," AJ says, meaning Nietzsche. "He's a nineteenth-century philosopher from Germany. Anyway, that's why I'm not gettin' confirmed." Tony puts an end to that kind of talk and says he is indeed getting confirmed this weekend. "That sucks my nut," AJ retorts, and I'm sent into fits of giggles. I just adore Pugsley sometimes. Tony promptly smacks him, telling him he's got a lot of balls, he goes to Catholic school, and his mother wants it. When you list those statements together, they don't seem to make much sense, do they? Does the possession of balls imply that you go to Catholic school? And does his mother want him to go to Catholic school, get confirmed, or have a lot of balls? But I digress. Tony continues to place the authority on Carmela's plate. "She knows that even if God is dead, you're still gonna kiss His ass." Kissing God's ass. Another vivid picture. AJ gets all agitated and bangs on the window. Tony scolds. Pissed Pugsley scrunches and squinches up his face so tightly that I reach the point of hysterical laughter. He looks like a pale raisin.
Christopher, Amy, and Jon enter a pizza place. A disembodied pizza man voice asks Christopher what he wants in a friendly, "where everybody knows your name" kind of way. He orders a Coke and a slice, tells his cronies it's "the best pie in North Jersey," and offers to buy them anything they want. He smacks his wad of cash on the counter for emphasis. Jon orders the same Coke and a slice, and Amy echoes, the copycatter. These two act like they're in the Museum of Natural History throughout this whole scene. Ooh, aah, look at the people who actually live in Jersey. Ooh, aah, this is how the other half lives. Blech. The Steve Miller Band plays while they sit in a booth. Christopher comments that the Laundromat across the street used to be Joe's Restaurant, and that's where Willie Moretti bought it. Jon identifies this Moretti person as Sinatra's guardian angel. Christopher says he "stuck his gun in Tommy Dorsey's mouth and bought Sinatra's contract from him for a dollar." Amy's all "you boys, the crazy stories you tell," but they're bonding and ignore her. Jon says, "That's the inspiration for Johnny Fontaine and the studio boss in GF1, right?" "GF1"? Meaning Mario Puzo's The Godfather, directed by Francis Ford Coppola? Is this guy a poseur or what? "Right," Christopher answers, and folds his slice and shoves most of it in his mouth, but continues to talk. "That's the one beef I had with Swingers. You guys patterned yourself after Frank and Dean, but there was like a pussy-ass-ness to it." Miss Parker enjoys the word "pussy-ass-ness" so much she adds it to her vocabulary. However, Jon's face looks like he swallowed a lemon. He's all defending Swingers, saying that was kind of the point of the piece, stutter stutter, hee hee, the bridge-and-tunnel boy made a call and pulled it off! Amy cuts Jon's whimpering off, sensing danger. "So, you brought us your script," she says. "C'mon let's see it," Jon chimes in. Christopher is humble for a moment and tells Jon, "No, you're Jon Favreau, Rocky Marciano, Deep Impact, Swingers." Jon responds well to flattery, so he launches into his pitch. "Here's the thing. Your script is set in a world that I'm interested in doing my next project on. A picture on the life of Crazy Joe Gallo." Christopher isn't so enthused: "Joe Gallo? They already did The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight." Jon tries to sell Gallo to Christopher as this tragic, flawed figure who wanted to paint and read and stuff. Amy looks on, all faux inspired and understanding. Jon won't be quiet: "He had like this yearning, this hunger for -- fuck your mother, what's the word?" He is so incredibly lame. Christopher tells him he doesn't see him as Joey Gallo, but Vince Vaughn he sees. Jon protests he's part Italian, so I guess that means he's entitled to play any Mafia figure he wants, since innately he'll be able to understand them; after all, he's part Italian. Not. Christopher says he could play Joey Gallo, but he doesn't want to act unless he plays himself. "Which is perfectly understandable," Jon interrupts with a holier-than-thou face.