Episode Report Card
Miss Parker: A+ | Grade It Now!
Jon Favreau = yummy with a spoon

He's not sick of his own voice yet, so he goes on, "Listen, ever since Amy told me about you I thought maybe we could work together, you know, like you could tell me how shit goes down. You know like what makes sense, what people really say, you know what I mean?" A-ha! He wants free information. Throughout this scene Amy and Christopher are peering at each other like sexy specimens in a lab, and Jon is doing this really geeky thing with his hands, trying to be all down with his goombah. Christopher doesn't get it, and reminds him he was three years old when Joey Gallo got whacked. "Yeah, but speech patterns, you saw Swingers, whatever you think of that motherfucker, man, it's like you can tell it's extremely important to me how people really talk." Jon's saying "motherfucker" an awful lot. It's worrisome. Jon's all, like that buchiach thing, I remember that from when I grew up in Queens, la di da. Amy starts in on her vast expertise to tell Christopher that he wouldn't be betraying any "oath thing." Little does she know that he's betraying that oath about hanging out with supremely annoying redheads with overbites.

Christopher looks out the window, sees a street person, and says, "Holy shit that thing is still alive?" He goes on to say that she was a "piece of ass" fifteen years ago. Jon and Amy beg to hear the seedy story. Christopher enjoys the attention and says in hushed tones, "Wiseguy friend of mine would fucking kill me if he knew I told you." Amy gives a "yummy" look, and Jon gives a "tell me" look and licks his lips. Gross, both of them. As Christopher begins his story, the Muzak dramatically changes to Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon," and Jon and Amy sit back and enjoy the ride. "This made guy got the most discriminatin' eye when it comes to T & A. He's at a club one night and this broad's all over him, and she's got a really nice body, she's horny as hell, so they step outside and they walk over to this picnic ground, she starts blowing him next to this swingset." Lovely. Amy sips her Big Gulp coyly, and Jon has a look on his face that worries Miss Parker. Beware of men who visibly enjoy blowjob stories. Christopher goes on, "He's about to shoot his load, he reaches down, you know, starts fingering, undoes her skirt, reaches in, grabs hold of a goddamn prick." Jesus Christ, Jon exclaims. Amy leans over and furrows her brow as if she's puzzling over some sort of conundrum, and says, "Crying Game." "This is a true story," Jon reminds her. Hee. Anyways, the guy in the story wants to "humiliate the freak as much as he was humiliated," so he gets some acid and pours it on her arms, face, and privates. "That's one bad motherfucker," Jon says, with a look of distaste. "That's how good this broad used to look, had this wiseguy completely fooled! She had to get a glass eye." Amy is way too enchanted with this story, and with Christopher, for my taste. Christopher finishes his pizza, and they're in complete ignorant awe.

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