Dr. G comes out from behind Father Hagy's chair, sits on the edge of the desk, and tells Tony and Carmela that "in many respects, Anthony is a normal, healthy eighth-grader." Tony looks bored and Carmela horrified as Dr. G opens a folder and says that Sister Patricia, AJ's art teacher, thinks he shows "strong skills in spatial orientation." Wow, talk about damning the kid with faint praise. Dr. G goes on, "The thing is, though -- and it's not just this one incident...Anthony sometimes has trouble following the rules...weighing consequences...at times doesn't think before he acts." Tony nods as though he's heard it before. Dr. G says hesitantly, "And -- it's thought there's a good possibility -- that Anthony could be ADD." Tony and Carmela look blank, so Dr. G clarifies that he means attention deficit disorder. "I knew it!" Carmela exclaims, happy that she has a new martyrdom bone to worry: "I always knew there was something." Dr. G explains that "it's an aggregate of symptoms," including impulsivity, inattention, and sometimes hyperactivity, but they'll need to do a full evaluation on AJ. Tony offers the opinion that all AJ needs "is a whack upside the head," and I have to agree with him in theory, if not in practice -- I don't doubt that ADD exists or anything, but let's distinguish between kids acting up and kids having a genuine disorder. AJ is, what, thirteen? No thirteen-year-old ever got in fights or bagged an illegal bottle of wine or didn't pay attention in class before? I mean, please. He doesn't need Ritalin; he needs a foot in his ass. And thus endeth this week's episode of "The Childless Woman Tells Other People Fuck-All About How To Raise Kids."
On with the show. Carmela responds to Tony's comment by snarling, "If he has an illness?" To Dr. G: "It's an illness, right?" To Tony again: "You'd hit somebody who's sick? You'd hit somebody with polio?" Dr. G and Father Hagy exchange an uncomfortable look, and Dr. G asks with a wince, "You...hit Anthony?" Tony says impatiently that "nobody gets hit in our house -- not exactly my idea," and goes on to say that he doesn't know "what the world's coming to if you can't do a little tarantell' on the kids every once in a while, when they step out of line." Dr. G looks dismayed. Carmela sucks her teeth and, ignoring this statement of purpose from Tony, asks, "So what happens now?" Dr. G says eagerly that AJ will undergo a battery of psychological, behavioral, and physical testing, but Tony breaks in: "Lemme ask you a question. These other kids -- you 'keepin' an eye on' them? Are you testin' them? The ones that aren't named Soprano?" Dr. G grudgingly admits that "there's no immediate plans [sic] for that," and Father Hagy interrupts to read from the school's admissions pamphlet: "We attend every child at Verbum Dei according to his own special set of circumstances." Tony asks sarcastically what they as the parents do, "nothin'?" Dr. G tells them patronizingly, "Oh, no -- I mean, Anthony's misbehaved. He should be consequenced." "Consequenced"? Shut up, Dr. G. Carmela nods. Tony also nods, but it's much more of a "wait until I get that kid alone" nod than Carmela's.