Cut to Casa Soprano. Tony lies in bed, asleep; the clock reads 9:17. From downstairs, forty-eight sets of fingernails drag across a blackboard -- oh, wait, it's Carmela, blaring, "Anthony! Anthony Junior, you get up!" Tony stirs, then tries to go back to sleep. No such luck; AJ grumps that he doesn't see why he should get up, since he's suspended, and Carmela screeches that he can't lie in bed all day, "we're not running a hotel over heah! Get up, have some breakfast!" Oh my holy God, Carmela's voice is so very very unpleasant. Tony rolls over, checks the clock, and slaps it back down, unable to believe his eyes.

AJ bellows back that he doesn't want breakfast, he's not hungry; Carmela announces, in a tone of voice which not only approximates the sound of a dental drill entering the inner ear but also keeps intensifying as the scene goes on, that today AJ will rake leaves and clean the pool filter. Okay, my mother must have written this episode. I mean it. Whenever I got grounded and couldn't watch TV or go over to friends' houses, I inevitably got assigned weed-pulling duty on the weekend, and my brother would go off to play with his friends and give me that smug "nyah nyah nyah NYAH NYAH" smile as he departed the back yard, and the knot in my back and I would have to stay there and yank creepers out of the rhododendrons. Tony sits up in bed, steaming, as rap music kicks in from AJ's room, and Carmela keeps flaying AJ's inner ears, yelling about his doing "some work around here," and Meadow's yelling that she can't find something, and Carmela's screeching at AJ to turn off that music because his father's still sleeping, and Tony gets up and lumbers into the bathroom. He pauses for a moment to listen to the din -- AJ is now arguing that Carmela didn't say anything about playing music, and Carmela is shrieking at him to turn it off, right now, because she said so, and honestly, I don't know how many more synonyms for "screech" I've got left -- and walks over to the bathroom cabinet and gulps a Prozac, and the music in the background subtly shifts to Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit," and Tony stares at himself in the mirror and sighs as Grace Slick observes that one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small, and we all get it, thanks, and then he smiles...