Dr. G invites Tony and Carmela to sit, saying he's sure "[they're] eager to hear the results of our testing." He asks after AJ, and Carmela says he's doing "good, I think -- don't you think so, Tony?" Tony basically says "whatever," and Dr. G sits down, smoothes his necktie, and tells them that there's no evidence of a learning disability, all of the testing puts AJ "within the normal range," and his pediatrician gave AJ a clean bill of health. Carmela, holding Tony's hand stiffly, breathes a sigh of relief, but Tony gripes, "All right, well, that's all the good news, now...why don't you tell us the bad news." Dr. G says the APA guidelines state that kids with ADD manifest six out of nine possible symptoms, and AJ manifests five. "Five? Really?" Carmela moans, and Dr. G lists the symptoms AJ has: can't wait his turn, acts like he's on the go (Dr. G makes little air quotes here -- shut up, Dr. G's fingers), seems driven by a motor (more air quotes), interrupts or "intrudes on" others, and "fidgets with hands or feet." A skeptical Tony asks for clarification on this last one: "You mean, like, he fidgets." Dr. G nods. Tony sarcastically asks if fidgeting is a sickness. Dr. G says patiently that it's one of nine possible symptoms. Tony asks what constitutes a fidget; Carmela tries to rein Tony in, but Tony angrily asks a second time what constitutes a fidget, who doesn't fidget in school, AJ's thirteen, "he gets a hard-on every ten minutes, for chrissake." Word. Dr. G tries to interrupt that "Anthony is a borderline case," and Tony goes off on a rant about how he's not a case, he's a thirteen-year-old boy, and that's the trouble with shrinks, they make everything into a disease. Tony ends by thundering, "He's a kid who made a mistake, and he's gonna pay for it, but he's gonna be fine." He gets up and tells Carmela, "C'mon," and she follows him, but turns to tell Dr. G, "Frankly, I think he's right. And I don't think we should have to pay for this testing, either." Dr. G sighs and closes the folder.
Tony on the Nordic Track, watching the History Channel. A battleship is sinking as he climbs off the machine, sweaty and out of breath. He towels off and heads upstairs to the den, where he finds AJ doing some government homework. "You know, this is not the end of the world, Ant," he tells him. "I'm depressed," AJ shrugs. Tony corrects him with a chuckle; he's not depressed, he's pissed because he did something stupid and he got grounded and he can't watch TV or use his computer, "and it's gonna stay like that." Heh -- my mother did write this episode. Every time she grounded me, she'd deliver the punishment, and I'd just sit there, afraid to say anything, and she'd say, "Are you just going to sit there?" and I'd shrug and say, "I'm sorry," and she'd sniff, "Yeah -- sorry you GOT CAUGHT," and I always hated her at that moment, because she was right. (Quick sidebar: I tell these stories on my Ma, but she's not Livia or anything. She's great. She's just...a mom. And I love her. I love my non-dead, non-gay mom! Okay, back to the recap.) "It isn't fair," AJ says. "Ya got that right," Tony tells him, pats him on the chest, and goes into the kitchen. Okay, my dad would have said, "Yeah, I heard," or "Well, Sar, life isn't fair," so maybe my mother only consulted on the episode.