Sopranos
Eloise

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Evidently, Carmela says much the same thing, because when we cut to Tony and Furio in the car, Tony's crabbing about how Carmela's always bitching that they never get away, so he finally makes it happen, "top-shelf, across the board," and now she won't go because of her mother's psoriasis. Furio, meanwhile, is driving and looking conflicted. Tony spits that he doesn't know why he bothers, and when Furio suggests that Carmela's just worried for her mother, Tony grumbles, "Fuck that -- they've got her on the cortisone," then adds that he knows Carm's his wife and the mother of his children and everything, "but let me tell you somethin' -- she can be a moody bitch." Takes one to know one, Prozac Nation. Furio: "[Pained.]" The car zips down the road…

…and segues into a shot of Johnny Sack zipping up to a tee on a golf cart and greeting Little Carmine. Where's Big Carmine? So glad you asked! He's in the clubhouse, attending to athlete's foot prevention. That gives Johnny a chance for a quick word with LC about "this shit with Tony," which LC calls "a total debacle," saying that Big Carmine's "testadura" (hard head) isn't helping. "Anything you can do to change your father's mind," Johnny sighs, and LC assures him he came up from Florida to do just that. Carmine pulls up in a cart and nags the others about putting on sunscreen (it's cloudy out…heh), and as he sets up on the tee, LC fills him in on Tony's visit. Carmine isn't crazy about Tony doing "that end run," but LC defends Tony and says he's sure Tony didn't mean to insult anyone. Carmine shanks a worm-burner off the tee and snaps that LC's distracting him, so he's taking a mulligan, and at last, my dad gets the shout-out he's always wanted. Heh. Just kidding, Dad. LC observes that maybe Carmine "backed [himself] into a corner" with the HUD thing, particularly the forty percent he's insisting on; Johnny hastens to remind Carmine that he, Johnny, considered forty percent "a tad steep" from the beginning. After prying Johnny's lips off his ass, Carmine lines up another shot and complains about Tony's hard head and ego, but says that when he first met Tony, he'd have been proud to call him his own son. The current son clearly doesn't like the sound of that.

As Carmine walks off the tee, Johnny comments that maybe there's a compromise, then. "There's always a compromise," Carmine grunts, but LC sniffs that "he's a bit of a poseur, you ask me." Tellingly, he pronounces it "poe-zore." In response to Johnny's quizzical look, LC shrugs, "Tony. He likes to talk the talk, I don't know." Carmine asks what Tony said, and LC says ultra-casually, "His turf, his appraiser." Carmine: "Son of a bitch." Johnny can see exactly where this is going -- LC resents Tony's influence with Carmine, and will now proceed to play Carmine like a fiddle in order to screw Tony over -- and he tries to distract Carmine with a desperately cheery, "What'd they, re-sod that green?" Heh, but it doesn't work. LC tells his father to cut Tony slack, since "he hasn't really been boss of a family very long," and apparently that's a sore spot with Carmine, because Johnny gets an "oh, shit" look on his face. Carmine snaps, "'Family'? I told you -- they're a glorified crew." LC puffs smugly on his cigar. Johnny, glaring at LC, says in a controlled tone that "whatever they are, Carmine, the Sopranos bring in a lot of cash." He also reminds Carmine that he's friends with Tony a long time. LC, seeing that his plan is working, blowhards that "maybe that's the sticking post [sic]" -- Tony thinks of Johnny as a friend, not as a business associate. Carmine blows his top and clangs a ball-washer with his club. (No, that thing's really called a ball-washer. Oh, shut up.) LC looks at Johnny all "yeah…sorry." Johnny narrows his eyes at LC all "nice one, dillweed."

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Sopranos

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