We go from doggie to Boggie, as Melfi is back in therapy. She confesses that watching the dog attack was the first time she's felt safe since the rape. They deconstruct the various elements of the dream, but get stuck on the meaning of the dog. And these are supposed to be two highly trained psychiatrists? I got it before the dream even ended. Melfi finally figures it out. She describes the dog as having a "big head [and] massive shoulders," and yep, that sounds like Tony, all right. "Who could I sic on that guy to tear him to shreds?" she asks. "Oh," replies Dr. Bogdanovich, finally getting it himself. She repeats again that nothing ever felt as good as seeing that "employee of the month cocksucker" rolling on the floor in pain. When he starts talking about civilization, she snaps that he can relax, because she's "not going to break the social compact." Or will she?
Tony arrives at the hospital to find a beaten Janice with a bandage on her hand and three broken ribs. He starts in on her right away, but either she's on painkillers or she's playing the fool, because she's a little disconnected from what's going on. "I was supposed to be married by this point in my life. The man I love died." Yeah. Because YOU SHOT HIM. Tony bemoans the fact that he now has to get payback from the Russians, complaining that Janice "never does anything to simplify [his] life." Janice is still rambling. "I stole a woman's prosthetic leg, Tony. When did I get like this?" Well, she was snotty even in last week's flashback, so it's been a while. Finally, she announces that she's embraced God, and prayed for him to forgive Svetlana. Tony rolls his eyes extra hard on that one, reminding her that "we've been here before, with Vishnu, Richie fucking Alpert, and the coyote spirit. And it always spells trouble." He tries to help her up, and she looks to the heavens and claims, "I give myself totally to God, if this is the bottom. If not " Cue the wacky doctor, who enters and says, "Billing needs to see you." Guess it's not quite the bottom yet.
Back out in the hinterlands, the Sacks are having a sock hop. Tony and Carmela arrive and move through the party, passing Chris and Adriana macking on the back porch. Later on, the party is in full swing. Tony, Silvio, and Sack are joined by Joey Pants, who does a little riff on Gladiator. I prefer Silvio's Godfather impressions myself, and so apparently does Tony, because he dismisses Joey Pants with a crack about fetching him a drink. Sack offers to get it for him instead, and he and Pants walk off to the bar. Paulie comes over, and the boys banter about the price of the house, plus "the property taxes, and you gotta pay those." While they chat, Tony's got his eyes fixed on Pants & Sack, who are chatting conspiratorially. Hmm. Pants & Sack. Sounds like either a really bad outlet mall or a really good cop show. Of course, local Pittsburgh readers see that and immediately think "Pants 'N At," which may very well be the funniest thing you'll ever hear on the radio. Of course, you'll have to come to Pittsburgh to hear it, but that's your problem, not mine.