Melfi's office. It's the second time we've been here this week, so at least I can still remember her name. Tony is all worried about the fact that Artie thinks he's subconsciously a hawk of some sort, but Melfi calls him on the fact that he "makes a lot of [his] living through usury," and shouldn't feel any more guilty about this incident than any other. She also points out that Artie's suicide attempt came soon after Tony learned about Gloria's, which might have something to do with his feelings on the subject. Gee, you know, she seems like a pretty smart girl. Maybe Tony should talk to her more often. I'm just saying.
And since no Frenchman can go unpunished on a show about the Italian Mafia, Furio shows up at Captain Jacques's door, communicating more evil intent with a single eyebrow than Artie managed to cram into an entire fifty-seven-minute episode. Heh. I wonder if they'll bury him on his special island?
And finally, AJ and his pals are gathered back in the basement where they started. Harry Notter is still being a tool, but Ping and Pong are alternating between wrestling with one another and providing some final, last-minute exposition. We learn that Devin's father is some financial whiz, and that her last name is Pillsbury. And yes, that does make AJ "the Pillsbury doughboy." Hey! Be nice. The kid's lost a lot of weight this year. Anyway, Harry wants to know why AJ's dad doesn't have that "Don Corleone money." "I don't know," replies AJ, and we fade to black.
Contrivance: I hereby call this emergency meeting of the TWoP Literary Devices Committee to order. Seeing as how our Devices Emeritus Rex The Wonder Preemie and Jakob The Amish Guy couldn't be here, I'll be chairing the meeting. First off is a report from our agent in the field.
The Mulder Action Figure: Well, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is, the recappers are plotting to take over the world. The good news is that I've finally figured out how to take off my pants.
The Steel Drums Of Impending Non-Gay Doom: This is horrible! We've got to do something!
Stee's Cat: I could claw their eyes out.
The Scully Action Figure: My girl is stuck watching Dawson's Creek now. Do you really think that'll be much of a deterrent?
Stee's Cat: Good point.