Sopranos
Everybody Hurts

Episode Report Card
Aaron: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Stuck In The Middle Review

Vesuvio. Elodi flirts a bit with Artie, and even though he still gives off that creepy Chester The Molester vibe he gets around pretty girls, she seems to be enjoying herself. She even pulls up her shirt a bit to show off the belly she's getting from eating all his gnocchi, and yep, the girl is officially hot. I'm a sucker for a good bellybutton. Artie, however, is just a plain old sucker, as evidenced by the fact that he now admits Captain Jacques isn't even returning his phone calls. Elodi gives a half-hearted excuse about time zones (I can't count how many times I've tried that one on Sars at eight-thirty on a Sunday night), and then returns to flirting by offering up a French CD for Artie to play over the PA system. She scampers off to refill the flower vases, and Charmaine cruises by to get in another dig at her husband.

At the gym, Adriana and Carmela are working out, and yes, Adriana is wearing leopard print. If nothing else, at least she's consistent. They chat about Christopher for a moment, and Adriana claims that he's been suffering from the flu, and as a result, they won't be able to make it to the Billy Joel concert. In other words, the angry young man, who's been under a lot of pressure for the longest time now, has decided to dispense with honesty so that he and his uptown girl can stay at home and give themselves big shots of heroin. Or something like that.

Vesuvio yet again. Janice is literally sucking the life out some bones, as she chows down on the marrow. Tony sits across the table, appearing only mildly disgusted by her eating habits. "Remember Ma with the bone?" asks Janice. "Sounded like half-price day at the liposuction center." Heh. I can totally picture Livia like that. Artie comes by to clear their plates and serve dessert, and he even offers them a "nice armangac" to go with it. Janice rejects that idea based on the "histamines," and instead orders a glass of something ridiculously expensive so that we're again reminded of Artie's financial problems. Once he departs, Tony casually mentions the fact that Janice has been spending time with Bobby Bacala. Remembering his reaction to her and Joey Pants, Janice is instantly defensive, but Tony's intentions are actually somewhat noble. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaims. "Am I such an ogre? I was just gonna say he was a nice guy. A salut…What am I, a toxic person?" I'm not sure whether to note the foreshadowing repetition of "toxic person" here, or to point out the irony in Tony calling himself an ogre after Janice just cracked open a bone and sucked out the marrow. So, apparently, I'll do both. Janice apologizes for thinking bad thoughts, and then adds, "You're a great brother. We can go at it pretty good, but you always seem to reach out when it counts." And also whenever she's shot somebody. Tony gets quiet for a moment, and then asks if she's ever known anyone who killed themselves. "Plenty," answers Janice. "I used to live in Seattle." She goes on to tell the sad story of one "Murray Furlong," who lived in the apartment above hers. Murray was often gone for long periods of time, leading some to speculate that he was in the CIA. Janice just thought he was gay. "I don't know," she comments. "Maybe that's not mutually exclusive." Heh. Anyway, Murray "sucked down the end of a deer rifle," and Janice felt responsible because their last conversation was an argument about her accepting Fed Ex packages for him. Artie returns to the table at this point, staying just long enough for Tony to request that he add the entire meal to his tab.

A few moments later, Artie follows Tony into the men's room to inform him that he's been having trouble with Captain Jacques. Tony gives his friend a few lessons on the proper collection procedures for this type of situation, and then finishes up by quoting the favorite expression of the worst boss I've ever had: "You've gotta get your arms around this thing," he tells Artie. Then he makes him promise to actualize his potential, and demand greatness from himself and others. Or maybe he just tells Artie to go visit the Captain in person. I'm not sure which.

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Sopranos

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