Doctor's office. Tony, Christopher, Uncle Junior, Bobby Bacala, and Wacky Old Guy are seated in the waiting room. Given what comes later in the episode, do you really think it's a good idea for them all to be hanging out there like that? They're even speaking in Italian, for God's sake. An attractive young nurse arrives to lead them to them back to an exam room, and Uncle Junior delivers a hilarious full-court press as he flirts with her along the way. The nurse, whom I'll call Hot Lips due to my fondness for M*A*S*H and the fact that she has, well, hot lips, accepts this flirtation with the bemused air of someone who's simply too tired to bother with a sexual harassment lawsuit. When Tony passes by, however, she favors him with a significantly sultrier look, which for me all but seals her role as the unnamed informant we learn about later in the episode.

Alone at last in the exam room, Tony goes straight for the scale (FS² = 2) while Uncle Junior launches into a diatribe about his legal expenses. It's quite comical, and way too long to transcribe in full, but the highlight comes when Junior complains about the "fucking Lexis fees" and "the Xeroxing." "An entire forest in the Northwest must have given its life in Xerox paper just for this one fucking trial," he shouts. "I said to Mel, can't we just have one fucking meeting and all read from the same sheet of paper? Pass it around?" Hee! Of course, you shouldn't laugh too hard. We might have to run TWoP like that someday. Junior begs Tony for some additional money to help cover his expenses, and Tony quite coldly refuses. As Junior storms out, we see Dr. Lurkowitz standing nearby, checking out some X-rays. He gives Tony a quick little nod as the scene ends.

And just when I thought I would never have to type "Bonpensiero" again, they pull me back in. Carmela is at the grocery store, where she spots Angie passing out samples of nitrate-free sausage. She quickly backs away before being spotted, and an excessively long tracking shot reveals that Snackwells will likely be this season's new Snapple.

Maison de Moltisanti. Lola and Adriana are gabbing about the various eccentricities of Versace flatware when Christopher comes home carrying a handful of ugly designer luggage. "Ugly" is of course a relative term in this case, especially when you consider that Adriana is voluntarily wearing a sky-blue velour pantsuit with white spiked-heel boots. Those of you brave enough to ponder the off-season timeline continuity of this show should take a moment here to try to determine whether or not it's after Labor Day at this point. Chris is in a pretty foul mood, which isn't helped either by the presence of Lola or by the incredibly annoying barking of Adriana's "pocket rat" of a dog. Lola tries to defuse the situation by saying she has to leave so she can get up early the next morning, and Christopher scores the best zinger of the episode with, "No matter how much the john pays you?" Bwah! A wide shot of her departure reveals a sweet-looking blue lava lamp on the buffet, which almost makes up for the ludicrous (yet utterly appropriate) leopard-print wine glasses that Adriana owns. Before Lola's even out the door, Christopher collapses on the bed, quickly strips off a sock, and begins preparing to shoot up. As he cooks his smack, he relates his bad day with Tony, including the fact that Tony mentioned Papa Moltisanti just so Christopher could "be compared all negatively." Adriana is quick to sympathize, though it's worth noting that she's not quite as tempted by the drugs as he is. Christopher continues his woe-is-me litany of work problems, referring to his boss as "Pope Tony the Twenty-Third" and exclaiming, "When the fuck have I ever not been there a hundred percent?" just as he injects heroin between his toes. He shudders with pleasure as the drug flows through his veins, and despite his earlier assurances that he's "just chipping" and that everything is "under control," it seems pretty clear that it's not.