For All Debts Public And Private

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | Grade It Now!
Money for Nothing (And Icelandic Chicks for Free)

Alan Ball: You're the liar to my whore.
David Chase: I'm the Cheney to your Chomsky.

Chez Soprano. Carmela wanders through the kitchen, picking up a ringing phone as she goes. It's Tony, and he explains that he has to work late again. Carmela is miffed as usual, and even more so when she has to turn off the stove, upon which rests a huge bubbling vat of tomato sauce. Meanwhile, Tony's "work" turns out to be a party with the bosses, as he, Joey Pants, Johnny Sack, Christopher, and Carmine are discussing business in a hotel suite. When Furio wanders in with half a dozen stewardesses from Icelandic Air, Carmine takes that as his cue to leave. Before he goes, however, he mentions that Johnny Sack attended a barbecue at Tony's house, and he sternly reminds Tony that "a don doesn't wear shorts." There's just so much that's great about that little bit, because it establishes the tension between Tony and Johnny, mirrors the mentor/trainee dynamic that Tony and Christopher have going this week, and even addresses an issue that David Chase has complained about since they erroneously portrayed Tony wearing shorts in Season One. That, my friends, is quality writing. Tony takes this smackdown in stride (but just barely), and heads over to introduce himself to the ladies by making a very bad joke about their hometown.

Fade to later, where Tony is watching two of the stewardesses going at it on a bed. Ahh, there's the gratuitous female nudity I've been missing for so long. Breasts are always more fun when the character they're attached to is actually alive. And not Brenda. And besides, if I can't have commercials to break up the recapping, I think I at least deserve some titties, don't you? Which reminds me that another thing I love about this show is the ability it frequently affords me to engage some of my baser instincts. As he watches, Tony takes a huge puff on his cigar. Well now, that's not just a little Freudian, is it? In the suite's bathroom, a half-naked Christopher sits on the toilet, rolling a heroin joint for his own half-naked Icelandic companion to smoke. They're suddenly interrupted by Tony pounding on the door, and Christopher quickly flushes the joint down the toilet before leaving with Tony. As they exit, we're unfortunately treated to a completely unnecessary shot of Joey Pants's hairy, pantless ass. Of course, the brown socks and flight attendant's cap he's wearing almost make up for it. I said "almost."

A very stoned-looking Christopher is driving Tony somewhere in his Range Rover. Tony continues trying to mentor the boy, but all Christopher can focus on is that Tony clearly seems to be out to get him. A frustrated Tony barks out some directions, then falls silent.

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