For All Debts Public And Private

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | Grade It Now!
Money for Nothing (And Icelandic Chicks for Free)

It looks like the Ironic Segue Fairy has just flown back from his extended vacation in England with the Couch Baron, and boy, are his arms tired. How else to explain the rather weak and unsurprising cut to Lola the Undercover Fed teasing her hair all Jersey-style. As the baby continues to cry, she comes over to comfort him with these words: "Girls will be Feds, and Feds will be recast. It's mixed-up, muddled-up, shook-up world, except for Lola. L-O-L-A Lola."

Doctor's office. Tony, Christopher, Uncle Junior, Bobby Bacala, and Wacky Old Guy are seated in the waiting room. Given what comes later in the episode, do you really think it's a good idea for them all to be hanging out there like that? They're even speaking in Italian, for God's sake. An attractive young nurse arrives to lead them to them back to an exam room, and Uncle Junior delivers a hilarious full-court press as he flirts with her along the way. The nurse, whom I'll call Hot Lips due to my fondness for M*A*S*H and the fact that she has, well, hot lips, accepts this flirtation with the bemused air of someone who's simply too tired to bother with a sexual harassment lawsuit. When Tony passes by, however, she favors him with a significantly sultrier look, which for me all but seals her role as the unnamed informant we learn about later in the episode.

Alone at last in the exam room, Tony goes straight for the scale (FS2 = 2) while Uncle Junior launches into a diatribe about his legal expenses. It's quite comical, and way too long to transcribe in full, but the highlight comes when Junior complains about the "fucking Lexis fees" and "the Xeroxing." "An entire forest in the Northwest must have given its life in Xerox paper just for this one fucking trial," he shouts. "I said to Mel, can't we just have one fucking meeting and all read from the same sheet of paper? Pass it around?" Hee! Of course, you shouldn't laugh too hard. We might have to run TWoP like that someday. Junior begs Tony for some additional money to help cover his expenses, and Tony quite coldly refuses. As Junior storms out, we see Dr. Lurkowitz standing nearby, checking out some X-rays. He gives Tony a quick little nod as the scene ends.

And just when I thought I would never have to type "Bonpensiero" again, they pull me back in. Carmela is at the grocery store, where she spots Angie passing out samples of nitrate-free sausage. She quickly backs away before being spotted, and an excessively long tracking shot reveals that Snackwells will likely be this season's new Snapple.

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