For All Debts Public And Private

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Aaron: A | Grade It Now!
Money for Nothing (And Icelandic Chicks for Free)

Cut to a strip mall somewhere, which features a restaurant named "Italianissimo," and a pet store with the improbable name "Wild Bird Center." Of course, I got pretty badly burned on "Fountains of Wayne" last season, so far be it from me to complain about over-accurately named business establishments. In the foreground we see Councilman Boon stepping out of his car, and then in the background, Tony emerges from the Wild Bird Center with a dozen bags of duck food. He then walks over to Italianissimo, where he joins Boon for a light snack and a discussion about a potential real-estate deal that could make them both rich. Boon explains that the urban sprawl of New York City is encroaching further and further into the Jersey hinterlands, and that anyone smart enough to buy up property on a "Frelinghuysen Avenue" will likely be rewarded when a new Galleria is built on the site. "I'm borrowing money myself to buy parcels through a shell company," he says. "And a private citizen like yourself? Who's going to quibble with patriotic entrepreneurism?" Well, probably the IRS, for starters, but that's a story for another episode. Speaking of which, who else got the sense that Boon is planning to screw Tony over on this one? FS2 = 4, perhaps? Oh, and only because it's been a topic of much discussion, I can confirm for you that the woman who briefly walks into the restaurant behind them is NOT Gloria Trillo. In fact, it's probably just David Chase's PA, or some other on-set lackey who got roped into providing background filler.

Dr. Lurkowitz's office. The gang's all here again, including Hot Lips, who brings Junior and Tony back to the same exam room as last time. This time Uncle June suggests that once he's fully recovered, the two of them could make a journey to "that city called Atlantic." "Thank you, but I don't gamble," replies Hot Lips. "With me it's never a gamble," answers Junior. Heh. The man always did have a way with the ladies. Hot Lips mentions that it's her last day on the job, and Junior is crushed to learn that she's going back to school. Once alone, however, he and Tony quickly turn to business. Junior wants to promote Bobby Bacala (yay!), because Wacky Old Guy can no longer run his operations while Junior is on trial. Tony thinks it's a great idea, and calls Bobby in to deliver the good news. We get one final shot of Dr. Lurkowitz watching them, and then Tony slams the door in our faces.

And then he pours duck food all over us. Or more accurately, all over another huge pile of cash. He's stashing it in the bags he bought at the Wild Bird Center, and just barely manages to get them locked away in a storage bin before he's caught by Carmela. "A little late in the season for ducks, no?" she asks. "Well, not necessarily," he replies. "You know, the ones from upper Canada, this is the south to them." Bwah! Best line of the night. Of course, as much as it pains me to say this, hiding your cash in a bag of bird seed is probably still a better investment than buying stock in AOL Time Warner. What? Me, bitter? Never.

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