We open with dinner at the Soprano house. Carmela tells the family that Hunter got into Reed College. Meadow instantly starts whining that Hunter wanted to get into Reed, and she would have died if she hadn't gotten in. AJ says that Meadow hasn't been accepted to any colleges yet. Carmela explains to AJ that Hunter applied early acceptance to Reed, and in doing so couldn't apply to any other colleges. Meadow applied to several, including Georgetown. Meadow says that if she could get into Georgetown, she could get into Berkeley. Tony finally speaks: "Over my dead body." Meadow says that there are more Nobel Prize winners in the Bay area "than anywhere on the planet." Tony asks if they received their Nobel Prizes for "packing fudge." Carmela gives Tony a warning look. I'm surprised there's no reaction shot from AJ. Tony says that Meadow can go anywhere she wants, but he's not paying for Berkeley. AJ pipes up that he wants to go to Harvard or West Point. Tony says that AJ can look at those schools on television, because unless his grades improve, he's not going anywhere near those schools. He tells AJ he has to "crack the books."
Cut to "crack the safe." The camera pulls back from a security guard passed out on the ground to Christopher and the Monkey Boys hammering on a safe. Sean is squatting in another room with his pants off as Matt hammers and Christopher watches. The security guard moans a little, and Matt threatens to beat him again. The place sells stockings, and Sean asks how many stockings you'd have to sell to keep a shop like that. Christopher says he doesn't care. Matt asks if Sean is ever going to stop squatting in the other room. Christopher explains that the adrenaline affects everyone differently. He says that when Big Pussy started as a cat burglar, he'd leave piles of poo so big the cops thought bears had broken in. These are things I don't need to know about mob life. I don't need to know that it's common for robbers to take a shit on your floor because they can't handle the rush of breaking into your place and stealing your things. Sean asks if Big Pussy really started out by doing jobs like this. Christopher says he did, until he "stepped up for Jerry Soprano during the unrest of '83." Sean says that, back then, you got noticed when you did something. Christopher says when your time comes, you either step up or find a new career. Sean wipes his ass with a stocking as Matt and Christopher start yanking the safe door open.
Tony and Carmela are in bed. Carmela has the sound too loud on the infomercial playing on the television, and Tony wakes up. He tells Carm to take a Xanax. She asks why Meadow's obsessed with Berkeley. She says it's like Meadow wants to move as far away as possible. Tony says that's exactly what Meadow is doing. "That's her job." Carm says it's not funny, and asks Tony what he's going to do if Meadow gets into Berkeley and not Notre Dame or Georgetown. Tony says that Meadow's in the National Honors Society. Heh. Carm tells Tony not to be so naÃ¯ve. This is true. I know people that never passed a test that were in the Honors Society. I also know that being in the NHS doesn't mean shit on your transcript. She says that Hunter got into Reed because her uncle went there. Carm says that this is the second generation baby boom, and these days you need to know someone or have your name on a building to get into college. Tony asks what Carm wants him to do, and goes back to sleep. He pounds his pillow for emphasis.