Sopranos
Funhouse

Episode Report Card
Pamie: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Like shooting Pussy in a barrel

Tony walks into the house carrying the garment bag. He walks over to the table, where Carmela is working on the gift list for Meadow. She asks what's in the bag. Tony says it's a suit he got on discount. He jokes that nobody looks fat in a suit. He starts complaining about how much he hates it when air gets trapped inside the garment bags. Carm isn't listening, and asks him to give her some space where she's working. Tony keeps going on about the air in the garment bags until Carmela asks, "What? What do you want?" She keeps ignoring him and Tony says the only way to fix it is to unzip it a bit and let the air out. He unzips the bag and says, "Holy shit. My suit's grown a fucking beard." Carm asks Tony to let her work. Tony keeps talking about how they fucked up his suit and then he says it's alive. He screams and pretends he's getting attacked by a fur coat. Carmela stands up and asks, "Tony, what did you do?" "We're having a good week," he tells her. She goes to take the coat, but Tony shakes his head and pulls it back from her.

Cut to Tony sitting on their bed. Carmela enters, wearing only the fur coat. He says she looks beautiful. She walks over to him, crawls into his lap, and they make love.

Tony's in Atlantic City, walking on the boardwalk. It's snowing. The boardwalk is empty. He walks up to Christopher, Silvio, Pussy, Hesh, and Patsy. Tony remarks on the snow, saying that it's June and Meadow's graduating tomorrow. "Spring snow," Hesh tells him. It won't last, they tell him. Tony stares at Pussy, who's not looking at him. Tony asks if "they're here yet." They're not. Paulie apologizes. Patsy asks when they made the diagnosis. A month ago, Tony says. Patsy says Tony has his sympathy. Hesh says that they've given Tony until September 5th to live. Christopher interrupts here to say that instead of waiting that long, Tony's going to set himself on fire. "Yeah," Tony says. Paulie says that Tony's got balls of steel. "Very considerate," Hesh agrees. Silvio says not many guys would do that, saving you all those visits to the hospital watching him die. Tony nods and thanks Patsy for the coat. "I'm Philly," he says, and turns his head. There's a bullet hole there, and caked blood running down the side of his head. Tony apologizes and says he thought Philly was his brother. He says he just got a sable off of Patsy for Carmela. Philly doesn't give a fuck. Tony apologizes for shooting Philly in the head. Pussy's still not looking at Tony. "Fuck this," Tony says. "They're never coming." He walks to a spot just off from the group and pours a can of gasoline over his head. He spits and coughs. You can see his breath in the air. "Where's Pus?" Tony asks. Everyone just stares at him instead of answering. Tony takes the lit Zippo and holds it in his hands. Christopher walks up and asks Tony what if the doctors are wrong. Before Tony can second-guess his choice, he explodes in a fireball.

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Sopranos

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