Sopranos
Funhouse

Episode Report Card
Pamie: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Like shooting Pussy in a barrel

Tony walks to his bed wearing a robe as Artie walks in. Artie says that Tony picked up a bad one somewhere. Tony starts yelling at Artie for poisoning him with tainted shellfish. He says Artie should do something before he causes "a fucking outbreak." Heh. Artie says he handpicks every mussel that went into that soup. Carmela is shocked that Tony ate mussels on top of Indian food. Artie immediately says it had to have been the Indian food that's causing the food poisoning. Tony says it was the mussels, because they came up undigested. Artie says that if the mussels were undigested, they couldn't have caused the food poisoning. Tony says that it was his body shutting down from the poisonous mussels in defense. Artie says that the Indians prepare their food with ghee, which is clarified butter. He says a rancid hit of that would destroy him. He says that when they cremated Indira Gandhi, they covered the body and the funeral pyre in clarified butter to get the fire started. This is too much for Tony, who shoots out of bed and heads straight to the bathroom to puke and fart again. Artie asks if they called Pussy yet, since he had the mussels too. "Jesus, Artie, 'call Pussy,'" Carm says. "Some concern, maybe?" Artie says he's very concerned.

Angie tells Pussy that Artie's on the phone. Pussy gets on the line. Artie asks if Pussy's feeling okay. Tony's head is next to Carmela's lap as Artie tells Pussy that there's nothing to worry about, but he wants to know if Pussy had any symptoms. Pussy admits that he had a slight touch of diarrhea, and there's too much shit talking to make me feel good. I'll never eat again. They keep talking about Indian food and shit until Tony asks them to stop talking about it. I agree. Artie gets off the phone and says he feels vindicated. Tony says he can't get off the boardwalk. Carmela says she's going to call Doctor Cusamano. Tony bolts up to puke again, so Carm and Artie carry Tony over to the bathroom.

At the airport, Livia and her sister are complaining that they can't understand anything the airline people are saying over the intercom. Two airport security people walk over to Livia and call her by name. Close-up on Livia looking shocked and scared.

Tony falls asleep sitting up. "Oh, Pussy," he says.

Melfi opens her office door. Tony is sitting on the couch, wearing brown pants and a wife-beater shirt. "Come on in," she says. Tony stands up, boasting a raging erection.

"Who's your friend?" Melfi asks Tony after they've taken their seats inside her office. Tony thinks for a second. "Pussy?" Melfi asks. "I'm confused," Tony admits. "Isn't Pussy your friend?" Melfi asks. Tony says that Pussy is indeed his friend. Melfi says that Pussy was the same friend that was almost carried off by the ducks. Tony says that the worst part of this is that he knows he's dreaming right now. He asks if when she says "pussy," does she mean his friend Pussy, or pussy pussy. "Whatever seems to be dominating your thoughts," Melfi responds. Tony says he usually has pussy on the brain. Probably the lowercase variety of pussy, I'm assuming. There are strange noises playing in the background as Tony tells Melfi that he's always wanted to fuck her. She says she finds him immensely attractive and that he goes out of his way to repulse her. Tony says that she likes that, and she's the one that's fucked up. "Anthony, Anthony, Anthony," Melfi says with a smile. "What are we gonna do with you?"

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Sopranos

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