Sopranos
Guy Walks Into A Psychiatrist's Office

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All In The Family

Before we go any further, major props to Miss Parker for coming up with the Monkey Boys name, which is absolutely perfect. I've been wracking my admittedly meager brain cells for two weeks now trying to come up with a name for them, and I'm incredibly thankful that I can now return those cells to their regularly scheduled duties of plotting world domination and storing obscure film quotations.

Fade up on a highly Kubrickian wide-angle shot of a sterile white classroom. The instructor informs us that this is the Series 7 test for NASD stockbroker licenses. As he reads the roll, it strikes me that the set and camera angle are almost identical to the Foreign Service Boards test scene in Spies Like Us. If Chevy Chase shows up in a cast, this recap is gonna be a lot more fun that I thought it would. But alas, Chevy, much as in real-life these days, is nowhere to be found. Instead, the proctor calls for Christopher Moltisanti, and we get a hearty heh as an Asian kid answers, "Here."

And now it's time for a quick "Where Are They Now?" montage. "It Was A Very Good Year" plays as we get shots of all the various cast members. Before I tell you what they're up to, I just have to say that every time I hear this song, I'm instantly reminded of the Muppets version with Stadler and Waldorf. No real reason for that; I just felt you should know. Anyway, first we see Livia in the hospital, then various members of the crew counting their money. Carmela cooks, Junior is jailed, Moltisanti mopes, and Melfi is miserable meeting patients at a motel. Matching shots of Tony & Paulie with their goomahs, and Tony sneaking back home and washing his shirt. Finally the song ends as Tony wakes up, and the sunlight streams in across his face.

Cut to Tony, in open bathrobe and boxers (plus some nasty-ass bedhead), fetching the paper at the end of his driveway. If his criminal activities weren't enough to convince the Cusamanos to move, this just might. He spots a suspicious-looking car in the street, and starts hightailing it back into the house. The car door opens, and Big Pussy emerges, hands over his head. Tony feels stupid for panicking, and yells at Pussy. They decide to go inside to chat, even though Pussy is clearly afraid Tony will whack him as soon as they get in the front door.

They walk inside and exchange awkward small talk. Tony compliments him on his tan, calling him "the tan ghost." "You're a good guy, Tony," Pussy replies, "but you abuse that jokey shit." Oh, if only I had a nickel for every time someone told me that. I could buy, well, at least a Presidential pardon, if not a whole heck of a lot more. Pussy explains that he ran because everyone thought he was the rat, but he wasn't. Sure you weren't. Whatever you say there, Mr. Ratty McRatfink. At this point we hear Carmela and the kids upstairs, and the men adjourn to the basement.

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Sopranos

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