Sopranos
Sopranos

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | 527 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Art Of Whore

Johnny Sack sits amongst his hinterlands when he's joined by Joey and Ginny. Ginny quickly departs to her physical therapist, leaving Sack to remark wistfully about the days when she was "quite a hoofer." Pants immediately starts whining about Tony; Sack listens with a bemused smile. When Joey hints that he might whack Tony, Johnny tries to talk some sense into him. "You wanna commit suicide, pills are a lot easier." He goes on to explain that he knows "Tony can be difficult. His father was the same, his uncle. They all need someone to demonize." Then he denies Joey's request to switch families, citing New York's longstanding ties with the Sopranos, "and that's not going to change." Except, of course, for Sack himself, I'm guessing. When Sack chastises Pants for what he did to the "hoor," Joey runs off a list of reasons why he was perfectly justified, including the fact that it wasn't his baby she was carrying. Sack gives that little rationalization the look of scorn it deserves, and Joey finally admits that "it was the fucking coke. I should have never started with that shit." I feel exactly the same way, my friend. Sack encourages Pants to apologize to Tony, suggesting that Tony might offer him a capo spot to smooth the rough edges. Pants says he's not interested, but neither I nor Johnny Sack are buying it.

Cut to said Sack, pitching the apology idea to Tony at Vesuvio. He mentions how upset Joey was about the Thanksgiving incident, but Tony just spits some Sun Tzu back at him: "If your opponent is of a choleric temper, irritate him." Well, at least that explains why Meadow treats him the way she does. He likes the idea of Pants apologizing, though. "If it's sincere, it might relieve me of a very unpleasant decision." When Sack brings up the capo idea, however, Tony gets angry, and when Sack also mentions that Tracee was "just a whore," Tony doesn't even give him the respect he deserves for pronouncing it correctly. "I don't want to discuss that situation with anyone ever again," he declares, smiling all the while.

Cut back to Pants, hearing from Sack on the phone. He's told that Tony is sold on the idea, and appears very relieved. He's also wearing a robe and boxers, by the way, and when we cut to Johnny Sack stirring the bathwater in nothing but a towel, I quickly avert my eyes and thank the heavens that I already awarded the StR. I'd have had to deduct at least a thousand points for the gratuitously bared (and grotesquely haired) thigh alone. Joey thanks Sack about a hundred times, and then hangs up. Jackie Jr. takes this cue to enter the kitchen and fix himself a bowl of cereal from mysteriously self-reversing box of Trix. He informs Joey that he's moving into his yarmulked friend's apartment because the kid's reserve unit in Israel got called up. I've got stories about the Israeli Army that would curl your toenails, but now just isn't the time. Joey seems to know an awful lot about Jackie's friends, because he offers to pick up the slack in the Little Lord's Ecstasy supply. He gives Jackie his version of "that bullshit [Jackie's] future father-in-law pulled over Thanksgiving," and then walks off, giving a patented Pantoliano scratching of the ass on the way out.

Sopranos

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