Sopranos
House Arrest

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Best. Line. Ever.

Junior's hand is still stuck in his drain. It's nighttime and dark in his kitchen. He can't reach a light switch. He can't reach the phone. He's upset. Finally, there's noise in the house. Richie and Janice have shown up with groceries. They see Junior stuck in the drain and start giggling. Janice says it's a good thing she's nice or she'd start tickling him. Junior says he's been there six hours. He tells Richie to get the detergent and lubricate his wrist. Janice asks why he didn't call a plumber. "With what? My fucking toes?" Junior screams. Richie gets Junior to calm down so he can get his hand out of the drain. Junior finally calms down, and his hand is released. He whines and moans over to the table and sits. Janice pats his shoulder and tells him to take it easy. She asks if Junior's coming to the engagement party. She says she'll make some coffee. Richie pulls out a wad of cash. "It's light," Junior says. Richie says it's Tony's fault, because they can't sell coke on the route anymore. "I guess nobody should eat but him," Richie says. Junior's pissed, wondering how Tony can get away with this. Richie jokes about Tony's seizures and says he doesn't say anything because he knows Tony's family. "I don't want to say anything disparaging."

Tony's doodling on a notepad in his office, listening to Dick Barone on the phone. There's nothing for Tony to do, so he grabs a ruler and starts scratching the rash on his arm furiously. It starts to bleed as Connie walks in and asks if he needs coffee. Tony says he'll be going home soon. Connie looks upset at the blood.

Melfi tells Elliot that she embarrassed her son. Elliot asks if Jennifer's going to check into a 12-step program. Jennifer says she's not an alcoholic. She's got therapy to fix herself. She says she won't drink around Jason anymore. Elliot remarks that Melfi's in the bargaining stage already. She says she'll go to a meeting. Elliot says he's prescribing Luvox. Melfi says that that's for OCD. Elliot says it's good for other compulsions as well. He says that Melfi's unable to bring Tony's sessions to a conclusion. Jennifer says she really thinks he's not ready. Elliot says that Melfi is obsessed with Tony. She trembles and says, "Luvox. Jesus Christ."

Junior is in the doctor's office, telling Tony that the coke helps with the medical bills. Tony tells him to keep the coke away from the garbage route, and says he knows Jun's got plenty of money. They argue over who's in charge of the business. Junior says that, back in the fifties, everybody worked together. Tony says that Albert Anastasia looked really amicable lying on the barber shop floor. Junior says he's just saying. The doctor enters. Junior asks why the nurse never came back. He sent her a bottle of Shalimar. The doctor puts the face mask back on Junior's head. He says the stent was a complete success. "How many Migs you shoot down last week?" Tony asks Junior. Hee. The face mask does look like Junior's about to follow Iceman right into the Danger Zone.

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Sopranos

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