I Dream Of Jeannie Cusamano

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Psychiatry pays for itself

Artie Bucco is visiting the priest. He's talking about his loss of faith. Artie must read Ann Landers. Or Dear Abby. And how weird is it that god-fearing WASP-y twin sisters from Illinois are dishing out life advice to a good chunk of the English-speaking population? I bet they don't even really exist. Like Betty Crocker. They're probably just some fat cigar-smoking bald white guy and a hapless intern who does all the work. Um, okay, back to the story. Artie's talking to a trusted member of the clergy. His lack of faith most likely started in high school, but the loss has only been accentuated by his recent rage towards an unnamed man. The priest obviously knows who and what Artie's talking about, but he's pretending he doesn't. It must be something they learn in seminary. The priest tells Artie, whom he calls "Arthur," that his heart is obviously telling him to talk to Charmaine, but Artie doesn't want to, because he knows she will make him go to the police. Which he doesn't want to do, because it could jeopardize his restaurant. Because the police would obviously involve the insurance company, and they would start a new investigation, and who knows what could happen. But Artie doesn't really want to talk about it. He tells the priest that he's way off-topic.

Christopher barges into the capos' meeting. Tony has gathered them all together to tell them that he is running for governor now that Christie Todd Whitman has left for federal office. He asks Little Stevie if he thinks his hair would be willing to run the campaign. All right, that's not what happened. Tony brought everyone together in order to out himself as a psychiatric patient. He explains how he had been passing out and how they couldn't find anything wrong with him, so he went to a shrink. Nobody says anything. Tony encourages them to let out their emotions now, because they are never talking about it again. Maybe they want to look at some ink blots? Or perhaps they would be more comfortable lying down? Little Stevie says that he's sure Tony went with the utmost discretion, and that he thinks it would be nice if they could share their emotions more. Tony says that Junior knows and has decided to use it against him, even though business was not discussed and no names were mentioned. Paulie admits that he saw a shrink a few years ago because he lacked "coping skills." Christopher isn't saying anything, because he's a big ol' self-centered moronic baby.

Carmela heads into the church with some yummy-looking pasta dish for the priest. I really need to stop watching this show when I'm hungry. It's worse than grocery shopping. As she steps into the church, she sees that Jackie Aprile's widow has beaten her to the punch and is sitting next to the priest and feeding him some other yummy-looking pasta dish. She's literally feeding him. I think I lost my appetite watching the priest lick marinara off his lips. I guess it put Carmela off her lunch too; she marches out of the church and dumps the food into the trash. Seems like kind of a waste. But since I've never tasted Carmela's cooking, I couldn't say for sure.

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