In Camelot

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
Johnny Be Good

And speaking of awkward, Tim Daly opens his apartment door to find a pissed-off Christopher and Little Paulie standing there looking menacing. "What is this, fucking Pulp Fiction?" he quips. "Am I supposed to be afraid?" I'd put a Kill Bill joke here, but I'm just so damn tired of Tarantino that I can't be bothered. Tim obviously still doesn't have the money, but he also still doesn't get it. "Chris, you know me," he says. "What could you possibly do to me that I haven't already been through?" "I'm positive we'll think of something," answers Christopher, before punching him right in the face. Hee! Tim turtles up, but Chris and Little Paulie continue with the kicking and the stomping and the beating. The highlight of the scene comes when Christopher smashes a very nice framed Dr. Strangelove poster over Tim's head, and then leaves him lying on the floor in a pile of broken glass while they keep kicking away. I'd put a Clockwork Orange joke here, but it's been raining all week in Pittsburgh, and I just don't feel like singing anymore.

Cut to still another funeral, although it's not Tim Daly's. It's Uncle Zio's instead, and he's all laid out in his coffin. Father RinTinTin performs yet another service, because he's the only priest in New Jersey, and because he needs all the screen time he can get now that his 24 gig is over. He delivers a lengthy eulogy about how Zio and Concetta were married for almost seventy years, and how Zio just couldn't bear to go on without his beloved wife. Somewhat surprisingly, he totally fails to direct his patented Pepper Mill Death Stare at Carmela while he gives this little speech, although she is in attendance at this funeral, and also wearing a highly inappropriate cleavage-baring dress. As the eulogy continues, Junior begins to sob. At first it's quiet and touching, but then it just keeps getting louder and louder until everyone starts staring and Bobby and Janice have to drag him out of the room as he wails, "Ah this fucking shit! What's the point? I can't take it anymore!" Sigh. Bring back Young Junior, dammit! He was creepy, but at least he was interesting.

And then we cut to the most meta scene you'll ever see on this show, as Tim Daly tires to sell his Emmy, only to be shot down by an uninterested pawn broker. It's so meta, in fact, that Delaware reverses itself, turns back into New Jersey, and then forms a black hole singularity that swallows the entire Earth and hurtles Wide Guy into an elliptical orbit just inside the Oort cloud, where relocated lunar astronomers will one day discover him after observing the space-time distortions he creates and promptly name him after the Greek god of cholesterol. And then Dick Wolf will make a TV show about it called Newton's Third Law & Order, starring Paul Sorvino as Wide Guy and Joseph Gannascoli as himself. And even then, it still won't be as meta as this scene. Metamucil isn't as meta as this scene, for God's colon. Anyway, the pawnbroker is only willing to offer $15 for the Emmy. "If it was an Oscar, maybe I could give you something," he adds. Heh. Somewhere in L.A., Alan Ball is cackling like a madman. Tim sadly offers up his laptop instead, and that at least sparks some interest.

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