At a gym somewhere, Chris is spotting for Tim Daly while they work out. He's also basically accusing Tim of being back on heroin, because the guy "ran out of IHOP like [he] was on fire." Oh, Christopher. Heroin can be a harsh mistress, but that's not why people run out of IHOP like they're on fire. Trust me. Or just ask Adriana's bowels. Tim's excuse is that he was meeting a girl to go to the track, and therefore didn't want to miss the last race. You know, because there's nothing chicks dig more than the fresh scent of horse manure mingled with that of drunken surly gamblers. Hmm. Maybe that's why I never married. Chris accepts this load of Pie shit with an apology, and Tim sanctimoniously thanks him for his concern. Then Christopher offers to handle all of Tim's future gambling action, and the guy immediately bets a dime each on the Yankees and St. Louis. "Whoa!" gushes an impressed and mildly Keanu-esque Christopher. "High roller." "I just got a three-grand residual on a That's Life episode," explains Tim. Chris: "That fake guinea-fest with Paul Sorvino? That was totally unrealistic." Heh. Well, I guess now we know why Jack Bender hasn't been back in the director's chair for a while.
Back at the track, Tony is busy admiring Fran's outfit. She's all in green this time (except for the hair, of course), so I'll take that one as a shout-out to the University of Miami football team, which probably spends more per capita on term papers than any other organization in the world. Including ETS. Despite the fact that Fran resembles nothing so much as a leprechaun with a nasty scalp inflammation, Tony remains impressed with her sartorial selections. "You're very...I don't know," he observes. "You got a lot of class." You know, because nothing quite says "classy" like lime green pantyhose. They've left the bleachers and started walking towards the exit at this point, and they both suddenly look up to see a huge "For Sale" sign hanging from the front gate. Standing next to the sign is a giant wooden Indian, which makes me wonder if he ever gets together with the giant lumberjack from the opening credits to go get a drink at that giant beer bottle we saw in "Where's Johnny." Now that's a party I'd like to crash.
Hesh's House. My Hebrew hero is a bit peeved that Tony has brought up Fran's claim on the racetrack, because Hesh was of the opinion that he deserved to keep Johnny's share for himself as a reward for all the work he did running the place by himself while Johnny was dead and Phil was in jail. That explanation doesn't exactly fly with Tony, who also wants to know why Hesh never bothered to kick up Tony's percentage of the take. "You were my father's friend!" he shouts. "My friend!" Proving that he's smart enough to read the recaps and knows how we all miss him, Hesh quips, "If I'm such a friend, how come I never see you?" Aw. He's totally a Jewish mother. Tony makes excuses, and claims that he's just been too busy lately. Uh huh. "You're never too busy to call at 2 AM, to hear your problems," gripes Hesh. "One time that happened!" insists Tony. "My therapist was on vacation." Hesh reveals that the track has been sold, and reluctantly agrees to pay off Johnny's share. He does, however, ask Tony for help in getting Phil Leotardo to pay up as well. And then he sighs, and says that something about Fran always seemed to rub him the wrong way. "Maybe because she was rubbing him and not you," snarks Tony. "How long you know me, bub, huh?" replies Hesh. "She's a little pale for my taste." Hee! I love Hesh. Although I probably shouldn't admit that too often. I mean, I loved Furio in season 3, and they ruined him in Season 4. Then I loved Bobby, and they gave him the kiss of death by marrying him off to Janice. If I don't shut up soon, Hesh will probably end up dating Omarosa next season, and fleeing back to Haifa when it doesn't work out.