In their tiny, tiny bathroom, Christopher and Adriana attempt to get ready to go out. Christopher shaves while Adriana applies her eleventeenth coat of mascara. Christopher disgustedly asks, "Irritable bowel syndrome?" Adriana says that they're still waiting for test results, and that she has to bring in a stool sample. Christopher is grossed out, and Adriana reminds him that he forced her to go to the doctor in the first place. Christopher wonders if he needs to know every detail. Who knew Christopher was such a delicate flower? Adriana, looking for some sympathy, says that she could be really sick. Christopher says that his Aunt Josephine had "her whole asshole rotted out." Who's giving every detail now? Adriana isn't getting the sympathy she wanted, so she tells Christopher that she may have to go into therapy, and that she's going on Prozac. Christopher skeptically asks, "For diarrhea?" Adriana says it's to handle stress, which is what causes her problem in the first place. Christopher asks what she has to be stressed about. Adriana pouts sadly and suggests that she's stressed about "war" and "the Middle East." Christopher thinks the President has everything under control, and that soon America will control the world. He's an idiot and he votes! Actually, he probably doesn't vote. Actually, he's a fictional character, so I need to let it go. It's not exactly the reaction Adriana was hoping for. Christopher walks over and kisses her tenderly, and then continues his ablutions.
At the Crazy Horse, a waitress walks into the back room and brings Tony a drink while he talks on the phone, placing some bets. The waitress leaves, and Adriana walks in. She says she just needs to grab her planner, and Tony tells her that it's fine, because he's done. Yeah, wouldn't want anyone to overhear his betting habits. I love how everyone always assumes that Tony is doing deep and mysterious business, and in reality he's, like, ordering a pizza. Adriana grabs her planner from her desk. I would give cash money to read the contents of that planner, which must be filled with hair and nail appointments and little else. Adriana starts complaining about her car, which is in the shop, as she lights a cigarette. Man, did I pick the wrong week to quit smoking. Watching this show Sunday night was KILLING ME!
Tony asks about Adriana's doctor visit, and Adriana says that she's been having stomach trouble, which is why she's drinking White Russians. Heh. While the milk might help some people, I'm thinking the alcohol counteracts any soothing effect. Not to mention the smoking. Tony asks laughingly if she has ulcers already, and Adriana explains about her IBS. She seems embarrassed to be discussing this with Tony, who says that Livia had IBS all her life. Adriana nods, looking sort of happy that someone actually cares. Tony points out the bandage on his head and tells her that it's cancer. Ade is shocked, and Tony adds that it's "squaw moose." I think he meant "squamous." Adriana is still upset, and Tony says that the doctors think they got it all, but that hearing the word "cancer" is pretty scary. Adriana sits at her desk, more comfortable now. Tony says that his doctor, Katz, was recommended by Hesh, "naturally." Because there's nothing like a little casual anti-Semitism to make your Passover complete. ["Mazel tov!" -- Wing Chun] Tony asks Adriana what causes her disease. Adriana says that she "did a Google on it," and that her doctor concurs that a lot of it is psychological. She tries to joke, "So, on top of everything, now I'm a head case." Tony tells her to stop blaming herself. Adriana, overjoyed to see actual compassion from someone in her life, says that Christopher doesn't want to know about it, and is quick to add that she can't blame him. Tony has a drink, and then checks his watch and says that he needs to take off, because AJ will be home soon "from his volleyball thing." Yeah, I'm so sure AJ is playing volleyball. I see his punishment from last week lasted a long time. Tony asks Adriana not to mention his cancer to anyone, and Adriana asks him to keep her secret as well. Tony stares at Ade and orders her to take care of herself. Adriana tells Tony to say hi to AJ, and she shrugs that Tony is "such a good father" and she wishes her dad had been like that. Tony stares at Ade some more, and then wishes her a good night.