Sopranos
Sopranos

Episode Report Card
Kim: A | 932 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Johnny Cakes

Patsy and Burt walk around the neighborhood, making collections. They visit a butcher and a live chicken store. Yes, really. Finally, they enter an upscale coffee shop. It's Starbucks. They don't call it that, but that's what it's supposed to be. Patsy introduces himself to Dale, the manager, and welcomes him to the neighborhood. Patsy claims to be from the "North Ware Merchants Protection Cooperative," and Dale thinks they're soliciting a donation. Patsy explains that it's "a transitional neighborhood" and the police can't provide all the necessary protection, so the shop can pay membership dues to him for protection. It's a shakedown, but Dale doesn't get it, and says anything like that would have to be authorized by their corporate offices in Seattle. Patsy keeps trying, and Dale keeps saying that he doesn't have the money. Burt wonders how Corporate would feel if the store took a brick through a window. Dale, clearly in need of a brick to the head, snarks, "They've got, like, ten thousand stores in North America. I don't think they'd feel anything." Patsy, realizing Dale needs a rude awakening, wonders how corporate would feel if one of their employees, like a manager, was assaulted. Dale finally catches on, and says that "every last coffee bean" has to be accounted for, and if "the numbers don't add up," he'll get fired and another guy will pop up in his place. Patsy and Burt realize the venture is fruitless, and walk out. Patsy pauses to muse: "It's over for the little guy."

It's morning in New Hampshire. Vito is greeted by the inn's owner, who invites him to join the other guests for breakfast. I can't believe he doesn't take her up on it, seeing as how the other guests are currently sitting around the living room, having a scintillating conversation about dishwashers. Vito claims he has to go write his book, which is his cover story for why he's there. Vito wanders down the small town street, and a guy calls out, "Good mornin'!" Yes, he dropped the "g," because that's how people talk in friendly small towns.

Meanwhile, two young hipster chicks are strutting down the street in front of Satriale's. Christopher checks them out, as does Tony. Sil doesn't look, because he's busy reading the paper. Sil reports that someone thought he saw Vito in Florida at Jenny Craig, but it was some other fatso. Christopher thinks that if they do find Vito, they should have Carlo whack him, because that would make everyone happy. Tony is surprised that Christopher doesn't want to take care of it personally, and Christopher says that he's "got enough complications" in his life, including the "Feds up [his] ass." That sounds uncomfortable. And I'm surprised he didn't work in a Vito/gay joke. Anyway, Christopher says that he'll kill someone for business reasons, but not just to be politically correct. Hey, we each have our own moral compass. Tony points out a hot chick walking across the street, and Sil says he could do that with no problem. Christopher makes a Viagra crack, clearly not having the word on the street that the new go-to ED drug for jokes is Cialis. Tony says that for two months, he didn't even have morning wood. Christopher makes another crack about Silvio, who flips him off, and asks Tony whether the bullet did something physically to "the plumbing." Tony says that it wasn't physical; it was "the result of the trauma." Tony says he's healed now because he's "got a baguette in [his] pants 24/7." They all chuckle, but clam up when Sil points out that the hot chick, one Julianna Margulies, is coming their way. She stops and introduces herself to Tony as Julianna Skiff from Century 21. Well, the character name certainly makes my recapping job easier.

Sopranos

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