Johnny Cakes

Episode Report Card
Kim: A | 3 USERS: B
Johnny Cakes

Meanwhile, two young hipster chicks are strutting down the street in front of Satriale's. Christopher checks them out, as does Tony. Sil doesn't look, because he's busy reading the paper. Sil reports that someone thought he saw Vito in Florida at Jenny Craig, but it was some other fatso. Christopher thinks that if they do find Vito, they should have Carlo whack him, because that would make everyone happy. Tony is surprised that Christopher doesn't want to take care of it personally, and Christopher says that he's "got enough complications" in his life, including the "Feds up [his] ass." That sounds uncomfortable. And I'm surprised he didn't work in a Vito/gay joke. Anyway, Christopher says that he'll kill someone for business reasons, but not just to be politically correct. Hey, we each have our own moral compass. Tony points out a hot chick walking across the street, and Sil says he could do that with no problem. Christopher makes a Viagra crack, clearly not having the word on the street that the new go-to ED drug for jokes is Cialis. Tony says that for two months, he didn't even have morning wood. Christopher makes another crack about Silvio, who flips him off, and asks Tony whether the bullet did something physically to "the plumbing." Tony says that it wasn't physical; it was "the result of the trauma." Tony says he's healed now because he's "got a baguette in [his] pants 24/7." They all chuckle, but clam up when Sil points out that the hot chick, one Julianna Margulies, is coming their way. She stops and introduces herself to Tony as Julianna Skiff from Century 21. Well, the character name certainly makes my recapping job easier.

Tony leads Julianna inside. They sit down, and Tony immediately offers her a cannoli, which I guess isn't as obvious as offering her a baguette, but almost. Julianna says that she knows Tony owns a nearby building, home of "Caputo's Live Poultry," and that her client, Jamba Juice, wants to buy it. I guarantee that when Wing Chun heard the words "Jamba Juice," she squealed out loud. And then probably said, "I could go for a Jamba Juice right now." And then cursed her Canadian homeland for its lack of Jamba Juice outlets. ["True, true, and true. I would join the Mob if I thought it would get a Jamba Juice into my neighbourhood." -- Wing Chun] Julianna explains to Tony that the area is on an upswing, and that she just bought a loft in the old glove factory. She offers Tony $175 per square foot, which would figure out to $315,000 total. Considering that Tony probably got the property for about $20 and free eggs for life, it sounds like quite a deal. Tony asks whether she's ever bought eggs there, but Julianna doesn't like the smell. Tony says that his eggs and chickens taste way better than anything from the supermarket. Julianna gives Tony some more sales pitches, but he's not buying (or selling, as the case may be) because "it would be a real loss for the neighborhood." Tony says that even though he doesn't live there anymore, he grew up nearby, and his father was "an early community leader." Well, that's one way of putting it. Julianna shares that she's from Binghamton, and that she wasn't interested in taking over her parents' catering business, due to her "low tolerance for boredom." Julianna gives Tony one last shot, and asks whether he's interested. Tony, subtle like a bulldozer, says, "I'm interested. But as far as the property's concerned, $175 a square foot's a little low. And, um, I don't wanna sell out from under the guy." Then the scene ends kind of abruptly, given the flirtation those two had going.

Vito heads to the diner and says he's been "dreaming of those Johnny cakes." Morgan Spurlock brings Vito a menu, and Vito says that he was at the fire last night, and that Morgan's got balls, especially since he's a volunteer. They make small talk about Vito's nonexistent book, and the great food in the diner. Some old guy in the booth says that he saw Rocky Graziano fight back in the day, and Vito says that he might interview him. Morgan Spurlock says that he thought Vito was writing about Rocky Marciano. Vito makes some bullshit excuse, and the old guy wants to keep talking about old boxers, further revealing that Vito doesn't know shit about shit. Morgan confesses that he looked Marciano up in the internet when he heard Vito was writing a book about him. Ooh, you flirty devil! This episode is all about the flirting. Morgan pats Vito's hand and suggests that Vito's working too hard, and must be lonely. The moment is interrupted when Morgan's daughter (?) comes in, looking for her science project. I mean, I realize that gay dudes can have children in a variety of ways, but it just seemed kind of random, except as a red herring. Vito looks perplexed.

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