Live Free Or Die

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | 1 USERS: A-
Cockaround Guys

At Artie's restaurant, Carmela, Rosalie, and Gabrielle are going over plans for some silent auction or some such cliché charity thing that my eyes just instantly glazed over. Angie Bonpiensero breezes in, blames work, and then just as instantly starts complaining: about Artie, about the fact that they're doing a silent auction instead of a live one, about Lost being a repeat, about everything. She rudely cuts off Artie as he's rattling off the specials, which...I mean, Artie can be a tool, I know. But Angie's doing the "excuse my brusqueness because I'm soooo busy," like, eat your lunch at your desk if you're so damn busy. I guarantee you that if you go out the parking lot, her car is parked to the side of where the actual spaces are, as close to the entrance as possible, because she's acting like she's one of those people who are too important to park like a human being and walk thirty damn feet. And no, this isn't one of those cases where it's "Oh, sure, but if she were a man she's be considered strong." If she were a man, she'd be a douchebag. I'm trying to cut Angie some slack because of her husband being killed and everything, and I don't know about Rosalie and Gabrielle, but we know that Carm wasn't exactly a pillar of support for her. And if Carm was scared that what happened to Angie could happen to her, now she's quite jealous that Angie seems to have things so together, even if a lot of it comes across to me as meaningless talking-loudly- on-a-cell-phone- in-a-restaurant- I'm-so-important peacockery to me. But Angie chips in $2,000 in bodywork, which impresses everybody. Rosalie says, "Madon'!" and to me it's just not an episode without someone saying that. Carmela keeps making surprised fish faces at Angie. She seems to be torn between annoyed and impressed that Angie's taking charge of things, including the auction, which Angie says should be a live one; they'll get everyone liquored up.

Talk quickly turns to Vito and Marie getting separated, and Angie's cell phone goes off, and she snaps at whoever's on the other end, but then says she has to go, so she just orders up some prosciutt' melon to go. "No, the quarter-panel from the Le Sabre, I said," says Angie, into her phone. Carmela's transfixed.

Dr. Melfi's office, where we're going to have to sit through a whole lotta Tony working through his issues with homosexuality, with some Freudian slips and single-entendres that aren't totally already tedious. Melfi asks whether Tony had any idea that Vito was gay. Tony, clearly lying, says that he had Vito pegged all along. But Vito's one of his best guys, and he helped Carmela while Tony was in the hospital and they were strapped financially. Weird -- it's almost like Vito is just like anyone else, hey? Melfi's surprised that the hospital stay was such a financial strain, because it was her impression that Tony has millions, and he gets all confused, and asks whether that's the issue. Melfi asks him the same thing. Tony says, "He's a fa-aaaaag!" all sing-songy, like the issue is self-evident. Not that Melfi doesn't know what his deal is, but she seems to be enjoying letting him squirm. Tony sarcastically says that he knows that they're "born that way," but frankly they go about in pity for themselves, and although in Melfi's world, there's probably lots of gays and "trans-whatevers," but not where Tony comes from, goddammit. How about that mercy fuck now, Melfi? When pressed by Melfi, Tony says he personally finds homosexuality disgusting. He makes the tired complaint that every television show "rubs your noses in it." That's the argument I love: "I've got nothing against gays; it's just why do they have to be so open about it?" I never understand this. I don't know why people put forth this argument that they are unable to change a television channel, and therefore are apparently forced to watch Will & Grace. You know? Arguing with people like this is very tiring, because it's "not where I come from!" on one hand, and "my nose is being rubbed in it" on the other. It's one or the other. And when we know full well that when you say "rubbing our noses in it" you mean "existing," how do we talk about this? And when a wire story on Joe Gannascoli comes with a picture of the actor and his wife, that gives the article that annoying "just so no one gets the wrong idea" vibe that actors unfortunately sometimes give off when they play gay characters. And I hate that. Part of the problem and all that.

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