The next day, Carmela is doing most of the cooking herself. She's flying around the kitchen, rattling the pots and pans, and taking delivery of an impressively decorated birthday cake. The doorbell rings, adding yet another obligation, and she hurries into the foyer to answer it. It's Diet Tony, and he's standing there with his sons. "I know you're short-handed," he offers, "so I thought you might need some help around here today." And by "help," of course, he means additional babysitting responsibilities and some questionably perverse leering. And who couldn't use more of that? And so we cut straight to Diet Tony, yanking a lawn chair out of the pool and admonishing his kids for destroying the Soprano's property. Oh, please. Those chairs have been through much worse than a quick dunking. One of them got crushed by the bear, and another one is about to spend the entire night in close contact with Artie's back hair. Ew.
Carmela is back in the kitchen through all this, and Diet Tony finally comes inside and asks if there's anything he can do. She's basically too busy to pay any attention to him, but she does lament the fact that they don't have any dip. But what about AJ? Rimshot! Diet Tony offers to pick some up, but unfortunately the grocery store he was planning to use closed down about ten years ago. Oops. So instead, he pours himself a drink, and offers one to Carmela as well. "I make a mean Rusty Nail," he announces. Carmela just looks at him like she was wishing he already had lockjaw. Changing tactics, he thanks her for letting the kids use the pool. "They love being here," he admits. "This is truly a beautiful home." She's still ignoring him, however, because now AJ has come downstairs, and she has someone new to yell at. Because this is obviously the "Let's pile on Carmela" segment of the broadcast, AJ has himself a letter from Counselor Wegler that she was supposed to take care of.
This news doesn't make mommy any happier, and then just when you think things can't get any worse, Meadow arrives, Finn in tow. Oy. It really is "a living hell." Finn heads out to the pool (though not before getting a very dirty look from Uncle Diet Tony, whatever that may mean), and Meadow immediately starts going through all the cabinets, looking for a baking pan so that she can make Grandpa's favorite "maple-walnut icebox cake." Carmela, of course, was hoping for actual help from her daughter, which just goes to show that she's quite possibly the stupidest person on the face of the Earth. Diet Tony, meanwhile, has been staring at Meadow this entire time, and she finally looks up and notices. In a tone that's probably a little more flirtatious than necessary, she asks if he's had any luck tracking down his daughter Kelly. Diet Tony say no, although he has been "scouring the internet" ever since he got out of jail. Hmm. If she is on the internet, I'm not really sure he's going to want to find her there. I do, however, have to give credit to Steve and Jamie-Lynn, because these two manage perfectly to straddle the line between innocent grieving father/surrogate daughter affection and creepy jailbird uncle/hot teenaged niece incest. And by straddle, I don't actually mean "straddle," by the way.