Sopranos
Marco Polo

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | 1 USERS: A+
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Happy Birthday To Hugh

Diet Tony, on the other hand, has left the party, and is putting his boys to sleep. They're sharing a bed at his mother's house, which is yet another contrast to the lavish Soprano lifestyle. Diet Tony spots a binder of some sort in their laundry, and after a brief interrogation learns that it contains a bunch of Olympic pins from Atlanta that one of the kids stole out of AJ's closet. I can't be bothered to tell them apart at this point, but the guilty one has just as many jealousy issues as his father. "[AJ] doesn't care," snots the kid, which, while probably true, still doesn't excuse the theft. "With all the stuff he has? He got to go to the Olympics and everything. I love where he lives. I don't want to come back here." Yeah. You wouldn't say that if you actually had to live with AJ for a while. Trust me, kiddo. Diet Tony is chagrined that his son would steal from his own family, as opposed to just finding money in the bushes, or stealing from people who have air bags in their cars, which are known far and wide and noble and honorable professions. He confiscates the pins and their Game Boys, and orders his son to apologize to AJ the next day.

Back in the pool, Devin has magically appeared somehow, and she's leading AJ away because she has to get home. This leaves Tony and Carmela alone in the water to discuss AJ's budding sexuality. I thought it would be impossible to come up with a more disgusting topic, but then we cut over to Artie, who's wrapped his head in a towel turban and fallen asleep in one of the patio chairs. It's almost enough to make me want to see AJ having sex, although that likely has more to do with Devin's bikini than anything else. Tony gets a little gleam in his eyes, and starts moving closer to Carmela, talking about how wild they were back when they were AJ's age. "You know what it's like," he says. "Can't wait to see each other, can't keep your hands off each other..." And with that, he reaches out and starts rubbing Carmela's stomach, and slowly backing her up against the wall of the pool. Carmela resists, but it's definitely resistance of the "no means yes" variety, because the best excuse she can muster is that Artie is sleeping right next to them. Given what we know about their past, however, I'd be pretty shocked if this is actually the first time they've ever fooled around while Artie slept by himself nearby. Tony kisses her, and Carmela starts to get into it, and then he starts slowly kissing his way down her body. Carm gets that blissful look on her face, but Tony still isn't quite as "giving" as Wegler, so he soon pops back up and returns to straight kissing. And that's just about the hottest sex you'll ever see married people have.

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Sopranos

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